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SUMMARY: Two boys from dissimilar backgrounds, one trying to stay out of jail, the other privileged and seemingly destined for greatness. Thrown together by chance and only imperfectly aware of just how much they need one another, the boys struggle to connect across the many divides that separate them and slowly begin to recognize they may share more in common than they could have ever imagined. And yet whether they’ll be able to overcome their fears, doubts and insecurities and open up to each other remains to be seen. Please note that italics are typically used to indicate what a character is thinking or saying to himself.
WARNING: This story is a work of adult fiction and intended for mature audiences only. Unless otherwise noted, all of the characters in the story are fictional; any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. While some of the places described or mentioned in the story are fictional as well, others may be real. However, some liberties may have been taken with the truth to enhance the story. Please note that the story may describe, depict or otherwise include graphic portrayals of relationships between men and/or adolescent boys that are homosexual in nature. If you do not like or approve of such discussions or it is illegal for you to read such material, consider yourself warned. If you continue to read this story, you are asserting you are fully capable of understanding and legally consenting to reading a work of adult fiction.
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NOTES: Please check these notes every week. If there’s something I want to alert you to as I post each chapter, this is where I will I do so. November 30, 2015: Chapter 18 is narrated by Holden.
THE OPENED DOOR
I had been wondering where Sean was when I heard the knock on the door.
“You’re later than I expected,” I said, letting him in.
“Tell me about it,” he sighed. “I ran into Roger outside and couldn’t get rid of the dude.”
“That must have been some apology.”
“Actually he spent most of the time congratulating me on my good fortune; that and trying to get me to sell him some pot.”
“Really?” I said, surprised. “I had no idea Roger was into marijuana. He’s never mentioned that.”
“All I can tell you is he put on a full court press tonight,” Sean replied, “even after I told him I was out of the business and didn’t have any to sell him. He went on and on about it. Finally I told him I’d ask whether you were interested in parting with that weed I sold you after we met. If I hadn’t, I think he would have yacked my head off all night. In any event, that’s why I’m later than usual.”
“It isn’t a problem for me,” I said; “giving him the marijuana, I mean. I only bought it to have an excuse for you to stay. I mean, it does relax me, I guess, and help me sleep a little better, but you seem to have much the same effect on me, Sean; and you’re definitely a lot tastier.”
“You’re just saying that to sweet-talk me into your bedroom, Holden.”
“Whatever works; that’s my new philosophy when it comes to you, Sean. Would you like to come back there now?”
“Would I like to?” he asked. “Sure. Am I going to? No; I come over here in the evenings to help you out with math, not to give your hormones a workout. What little tortures did Professor Rasputin inflict on you today?”
Sean had started calling my math professor Rasputin, the evil peasant who cast a spell over the wife of the last Tsar of Russia.
“Um, well, he was on a roll today, no doubt about it,” I replied. “I understood some of what he was saying, but not everything; and I don’t think I’m the only one having problems with that course either. I heard lots of my classmates muttering after his lecture. If you need a new job now that you’ve stopped peddling pot, you could probably tutor half of the class or more.”
“Now there’s an idea,” Sean said. “But let’s get to work. Much as I want to, I can’t stay all night.”
So that’s what we did. We settled down on the couch and went over the material from my class that day. As usual, Sean understood what it was about immediately and spent the next hour explaining it to me. When we finished, I rolled over on top of him and the two of us started kissing. That proved a lot more fun, but eventually Sean pulled away and stood up.
“I wish I could stay,” he sighed.
“You should,” I responded, trying to encourage him.
“I know,” Sean replied. “It’s not like I don’t want to, but you know what I’m dealing with at home. I don’t have much choice in the matter.”
“I understand,” I said. “It’s kind of ironic in a way. Growing up as an only child, I always thought it’d be fun being part of a larger family. Do you think other families fight all the time like yours?”
“Probably,” Sean replied; “at least most of the families I know. Being poor doesn’t help. It breeds a lot of frustration, but there’s no sense talking about it. It’s too depressing and I want to focus on today, which turned out to be a great day for me.”
“Tony threatened to fire me, but I quit before he could do that. The dude ended up having to beg me to keep working for him. That was definitely awesome.”
“Then this afternoon I warned Warren I’d sue him for sexual harassment if he didn’t stop hitting on me and the rest of the guys. He got the message. The bottom line is things are looking up for me; and who do I have to thank for that? I have you to thank, Holden.”
With that he backed me against the wall and started kissing me passionately. It caught me by surprise. Up until now there had been a certain timidity to Sean’s kisses; a certain hesitation, as if he was afraid our relationship would never work out.
But this time was different. Having abandoned whatever restraint was holding him back, he was kissing me more passionately than I had ever been kissed. Then he began tugging at my clothes, trying to get them off. Surprised as I was, I wasn’t about to resist.
Oh god, do it, Sean; take me.
Soon enough both of us were totally naked and we were down on the floor and he was kissing me, licking my body and rubbing his hands all over me. There was a savagery to what he was doing that surprised me. Even if I wanted to resist, I wouldn’t have been able to. He could have raped me.
But I didn’t want to resist. I was completely turned on by what he was doing.
I don’t know how long it went on. Eventually he dragged my body closer to his. My legs slid around him on either side, then embraced his body and pulled it still closer to mine. Looking into his eyes, I realized what I wanted him to do. The moment seemed perfect as well.
Leaning back, I lifted and spread my legs and then wrapped them around his body.
Surprised, he looked at me for a moment.
“Are you sure?” he asked, softly.
“I’ll need to get one of those condoms, Holden.”
“In the bathroom cabinet,” I whispered, hoarsely.
Standing up, Sean headed down the hall and quickly retrieved the thing. Just not quickly enough; by the time he returned everything had changed.
“I want you to do it first,” he said, handing the condom to me.
I protested, but he was insistent and then I realized why he was doing it. He was trying to reassure me I was as masculine as him.
Thank you, Sean.
Ripping open the condom, I pulled it on; then the two of us rearranged ourselves. Now it was Sean’s legs wrapped around my body and slowly I pulled them up to my shoulders. Pressing forward, I resisted the urge to mount him quickly like part of me wanted to do. I didn’t even try to force my way into him.
I just positioned myself against the entry point and toyed with it; circling, pushing forward gently, pulling back, only to resume the whole thing over again. Suddenly, Sean moaned softly and his body shuddered; then it surrendered and pulled me quickly inside.
“Oh, God; fuck,” I moaned, sliding into him. “That was incredible; just incredible. Thank you, Sean. I love you. I love you so much.”
“Tell me about it,” he responded, grinning. “You’re not the only one that felt good for.”
Even as he continued grinning at me, I found myself pushing forward. Soon enough I was completely inside him.
“You can’t begin to understand how good this feels, how comforting,” I said. “It’s unbelievable, Sean. It’s like we’re no longer two different people; that we’ve become one.”
He smiled at me.
“I’m not going to take your word for it, Holden. I’m planning to find out for myself exactly how good it feels; not tonight, but soon. I want it all with you, Holden, but tonight is your night. Enjoy it.”
It was surprising.
I had always assumed he would be the first to do it; and if he didn’t want me to do it to him, I would have never insisted. Whatever Sean wanted would have been fine with me. But now I realized again he was trying to reassure me, trying to help quell all those lingering doubts I had experienced over the years.
Reassured, I resumed my labors, pulling back, pressing forward, repeating the same motion over and over again. Sometimes I did so rapidly, causing him to moan; hearing that was a turn-on for me because I realized he was enjoying it as much as I was.
Other times I slowed down and allowed his legs to react to the pleasure; first by lifting off of my shoulders and trying to touch the ceiling, then slipping around my body and trying to pull me in deeper still.
Aroused, I was surprised just how disciplined I was. Knowing how pleasurable the whole thing was for him, I tried to delay the inevitable outcome as long as I could. I think he appreciated that.
Eventually my breathing started becoming more labored. I was panting now, gasping, trying to catch my breath. Looking down, I saw Sean began stroking himself; slowly at first, then more rapidly as his hand got into rhythm with my thrusts.
Watching him doing that excited me even more.
I began pressing forward; faster, deeper, and harder still.
“Oh, god; unbelievable,” I moaned. “I can’t stop it. I’m there, Sean. Here I come.”
“Do it, Holden; oh, jeez, do it. Give it to me. Fuck me!”
There was one final hard thrust, then a violent explosion, one followed by several more. I could feel myself cumming inside him and remember moaning as that happened. My whole life had been pointing to this and now it was happening. Then, suddenly, he squeezed the muscles in his butt, producing an intense reaction.
“Oh god damn,” I groaned. “What did you just do, Sean?”
“Just a little trick I read about,” he responded, smiling at me. “No sense wasting anything, Holden. I want all of you and it looks like I succeeded.”
“You did,” I responded, collapsing on top of him.
I hadn’t even realized he had ejaculated simultaneously with me until my body touched his. By now he was breathing as heavily as me and the two of us just laid there on the floor, embracing.
“You are incredible, Holden,” he whispered. “Did anyone ever tell you that; how incredible you are?”
“Maybe the first hundred or two hundred guys I had sex with,” I replied, sighing.
That caused him to laugh.
“How did I compare?” he asked.
“Oh, you were the best, Sean,” I said. “You were definitely the best.”
“That’s good to know,” he said. “I was worried you might not want to keep me around if I let you do this to me.”
“I’ll have to think about that,” I replied, kidding him. “I’ll probably want to do it a few more times before dumping you, but for now you’re stuck with me, Sean. You just officially became my boyfriend.”
“You mean I wasn’t official before?” he asked.
“No; you were on probation. But you just passed the final exam; with flying colors I might add.”
“Wrong,” he said, grinning at me. “There’s still one other exam I have to pass, but I’m not going to administer it until the Board approves my admission to this place. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do to celebrate than to make love to you.”
“But . . . but that’s won’t be until Friday,” I protested. “I can’t wait that long, Sean. You’d be smart to give me that test right now. Who knows what might happen between now and then? I could change my mind about letting you do it at all, you know.”
But Sean refused to be stampeded into doing what I wanted him to do.
“I’ll take my chances,” he said, grinning. “It’s too late for tonight for one thing; and, uh, I seem to be missing some of the required testing supplies,” he added, pointing to where he had exploded all over himself.
“I don’t know, Sean,” I said, shaking my head as I stared at the still massive load he had spilled on his chest. “Like I said, I may not let you do it even if you’re admitted. I could drown for crying out loud.”
If I could have, I would have preferred lingering there all evening. But I couldn’t. Reluctantly, I pulled out of him. Finished cleaning ourselves up, we put our clothes back on.
“You’re still welcome to stay,” I said. “I would love to fall asleep in your arms.”
“I’d like that too,” he replied. “But I need to get home; and I also told Roger I’d deliver that pot tonight if you were willing to part with it.”
“Oh, sure; let me get it,” I said.
Retrieving the bag, I handed it to Sean. He placed it in his backpack.
“See you tomorrow night after work?” he asked.
“Of course,” I said. “You know how much I look forward to seeing you, Sean. It’s the last thing in the world I’d skip; and, um, thanks again for tonight. I mean, it was special for me. I love you.”
“It was special for me, too,” he said.
I walked him down the stairs and watched as he headed off towards Stoughton Hall.
This is so unbelievable, Holden. Can it get any better than this?
I fell asleep quickly that evening and awoke rested and refreshed the next morning. Sitting down at the computer, I tried to capture what had happened the previous night in my journal. And yet try as hard as I could, finding the right words proved impossible.
How can you describe something that beautiful in words, Holden?
It made me wonder.
Do you even need to keep this journal anymore? You started it to help cope with the loneliness, the friendlessness, but you’re not lonely or friendless anymore, are you, Holden?
No; I’m not. I have Sean now and that’s all I need. I don’t need a journal to be my friend anymore.
With that I abandoned the effort, made my way to Annenberg Hall and had breakfast. When I finished, I set off for Lamont. On the way I ran into Roger and could tell immediately he was distressed from the look on his face.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“Uh no, Holden, not really; I’m fine,” he insisted although it was obvious he wasn’t.
“Are you sure?” I asked, pressing the matter.
“Oh, Holden, you’re the last person I wanted to run into this morning,” he confessed. “To be honest, my stomach is churning right now. My father called this morning and told me something that upset me terribly. It’s about that special admissions process and it’s left me wondering whether the Board will approve Sean’s petition after all.”
“What?” I asked, startled by a revelation I hadn’t been expecting. “What did he tell you?”
“Um, well, I don’t want to say right now,” Roger replied. “I’m on my way to the Archives. I need to do a bit of research to see whether my father is right. I know that must be maddening for you, Holden, but this is far too serious to talk about until I can establish the facts.”
“It is maddening, Roger,” I responded. “You need to tell me right now. I mean, even though I have no idea why at the moment, maybe we should check out the Archives together?”
“No; I don’t think so, Holden, and I don’t want you to worry too much. Even if my father is right, I think there may be an answer to this conundrum; one that’ll set everything right and assure the result both of us want. I hope you realize I want Sean to be admitted next fall as much as you.”
“I’ll tell you what, Holden,” he continued. “I can see how upset you are by what I’ve said. Why don’t we do this; why don’t I check out the Archives and then you can come over to my room in an hour or so and I’ll fill you in on what I’ve learned?”
“I don’t think I can wait that long Roger,” I responded. “Why can’t you tell me now?”
“If it would help I would,” he said. “But it won’t. Come by in an hour, Holden; and for God’s sake, trust me. We want the same thing.”
Reluctantly, I let him depart and headed back to my room instead of Lamont. As I paced back and forth, I debated whether to call Sean or Professor Jeffords. But what could I tell them? I didn’t know anything, not really; and soon enough the hour was almost up so I hastened off to Stoughton Hall to learn more.
Climbing the stairs to Roger’s room, I was stunned by the note I found taped to his door.
I apologize for not being here, but I didn’t find the answer I was looking for in the Archives. Cambridge may have records that will shed some light on the matter, however, so I’m off to check those out. I suspect finding whatever I’m looking for is going to take hours. Please meet me here around 8:00 p.m. and I’ll explain everything.
By now the whole thing was more than maddening. It was driving me crazy. I spent the next several hours on pins and needles wondering what the problem could be.
I thought about calling Professor Jeffords again, but decided that would be a waste of time. It crossed my mind briefly to call Sean as well, but that seemed even stupider.
What would you say, Holden? That everything we’ve told him might be wrong?
You don’t know anything at this point. Why worry him needlessly?
Finally, late that afternoon, I felt my cell phone vibrate and quickly retrieved it.
“This is Holden.”
“Holden, it’s Roger,” he said. “I’m afraid I don’t have good news for you, love. There’s definitely a problem that could cause the Board to reject Sean’s petition; although I also think there might be a solution. I’m still working on that.”
“What’s this all about, Roger?” I asked, frantic.
By now I was completely frustrated. The thought of Sean not being admitted was killing me and I still didn’t have a clue what the problem might be.
“I need to know, Roger. I need to know what the problem is right now and how it might be fixed.”
“I understand how frustrating this must be, love,” Roger responded. “But telling you now won’t make things better. It could make them worse. Trust me, Holden. I’m working on it. Come by my place tonight around 8:00 p.m. and I’ll fill you in on everything then.”
And with that he abruptly hung up.
God damn it, Roger! I need to know what this is all about.
By now I was in a complete dither. Here was a problem that affected the person I loved more than anyone in the world and I felt totally helpless. Returning to Stoughton Hall on the off chance Roger might have returned, I knocked on his door.
But my trip was in vain. Roger wasn’t there so I decided to head over to the Archives to see whether he was there.
As maddening as the whole thing was, there was nothing more I could do. I was just going to have to wait and see what Roger told me when I went to his room that evening.
You need to call Sean, Holden. You need to let him know you can’t see him this evening. Whatever the problem is, you need to keep your schedule open tonight. You may need to spend it trying to find a solution to whatever this problem is.
Retrieving my cell phone, I called Sean’s number. As I suspected, it rolled over to voicemail. He was busy at work.
“Sean, this is Holden,” I said in a flat voice, trying to betray as little emotion as possible. “I can’t see you tonight; not at all. Something’s come up, something important and, um, personal, so I won’t be available to see you this evening; or, uh, to speak to you either. Uh, well, that’s it for now. I’ll give you a call tomorrow sometime; if I can, that is. This problem has me flustered so that’s all I can say.”
With that I hung up abruptly.
Damn! I forgot to tell him I love him.
This business has me completely frustrated. I’m not going to be myself until I find out what’s going on.
The remaining hours of the day passed much too slowly. At one point, I felt my cell phone vibrate. I waited until I knew it was safe and then checked my voicemail. As I suspected, it was Sean.
“Holden, this is Sean. What the hell is going on? You can’t see me tonight and you can’t even tell me why? I’m worried. Give me a call, please.”
Missing him as much as I did, I thought about returning his call. I wanted to. I really did.
But what are going to tell him, Holden? You don’t know anything at this point.
God damn it; this is so frustrating; so agonizing!
In the end, better judgment prevailed and I decided not to call Sean. Like me, he would just have to wait.
Worried Sean might stop by my room in spite of my call, I hid out at Widener for the rest of the day. Finally evening arrived and I made my way to Stoughton Hall. I couldn’t stand it anymore and arrived early. I had to know what was happening and the sooner the better as far as I was concerned.
Roger greeted me warmly and ushered me into his room. He was only wearing a pair of shorts and he was smirking. It was warm in the room and the lights were dim and I could smell the distinctive odor of pot in the air. I tried to ignore all of that.
“What’s the big mystery, Roger?” I asked. “I’ve been nervous about this all day and need to know what the problem is you’re so worried about; and, more importantly, whether you’ve been able to find a solution.”
“All in good time, love,” he replied. “For now I want to show you a video I made last evening. Don’t worry, Holden; it’s relevant to the problem at hand.”
I wanted to object, but he pushed a button before I could and a video began playing on his big screen television.
As I stood there watching, there was Sean at Roger’s door and Roger was inviting him into his room. Jason Tanner was there as well.
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Roger said in the video. “Thank you for not forgetting about me, Sean. I was worried you might not show up and Jason and I wouldn’t be able to have a good time tonight. But here you are. Did you bring the marijuana?”
“I did,” Sean responded.
Taking off his backpack, he retrieved the little bag of weed I had given him.
“Here you go,” Sean continued, “compliments of Holden. I hope you and your friend have a good time.”
“Oh, I’m sure we will,” Roger responded in the video. “And here’s your money, dear boy, just like I promised, and a little extra bonus just for bringing it by at this hour. Not everyone provides the kind of service you do, Sean.”
In the video you could see Sean taking the money and then turning and leaving the room.
At that point Roger switched off the video and looked at me.
“What was that?” I asked, curious.
“That was a video of Sean delivering that bag of weed you so generously gave me last night. I appreciate your generosity, Holden; be sure to ask Sean for your money, love.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“It’s a long story, Holden,” he said, “but I’ll cut to the chase. After you told me about that special provision that allows Sean to petition the Board of Governors for admission, I called my father liked I told you before. The two of us did a bit of research and it turns out Professor Jeffords was right; at least mostly right.”
“There is, however, one minor detail he failed to mention,” Roger continued. “The agreement between the Board and the Newtowne fathers includes a provision requiring anyone who applies to be of outstanding moral character, as the document so quaintly puts it, and to have that vouched for by someone of equally outstanding character.”
“How is that relevant, Roger?” I asked, still confused.
“It’s relevant because you’ve just seen for yourself a video of Sean delivering a nickel bag of marijuana to me and accepting money in exchange. That makes him a drug dealer, Holden, and I rather doubt the Board of Governors will look kindly on that when they consider his petition.”
“But that video also shows you accepting the marijuana,” I replied. “It implicates you in the very same thing. You could be in as much trouble as Sean if that’s your evidence.”
“Except for the fact that I told my father and Jason that Sean was peddling pot on campus; and how I was determined to rid the Yard of that kind of drug dealing trash once and for all. I outlined my plan to gather the final evidence against him last evening and make a video of the whole thing so everyone would know Sean is nothing but a common criminal. Both my father and Jason will attest to that. Won’t you, Jason?”
“I will,” Jason chimed in from the shadows. “I remember how disgusted I was when you told me about this, Roger. I’m only too happy to help you bring that little perp to justice.”
He was smirking at me the whole time and I wanted to smash his face.
“I recorded my conversation with my father as well, Holden,” Roger added; “the conversation in which I spell out my plan to gather the final evidence needed against Sean.”
By now everything was finally becoming clear.
“You know, the video was kind of a last minute inspiration on my part,” Roger continued. “I didn’t really need to buy that marijuana from Sean or capture our exchange on tape. I’ve been smoking pot since last fall when the two of us arrived on campus. I never dealt with Sean directly, of course; in fact, I didn’t even know he was the dealer from whom I was getting the stuff until recently.”
“Basically I’ve been paying young Jason here to buy it for me. I don’t much fancy the idea of dealing with a drug dealer directly. It’s a bit too dangerous for me; and since Jason’s rather poor and needs the money, I pay him and he buys the stuff for me and we smoke it together. Would you like to join us in smoking a joint this evening, Holden? I think that would be fun; the three of us doing that.”
“No,” I said. “I’m not interested in smoking with you or Jason.”
“That’s a shame, Holden,” he said. “It would help relax you. Don’t you think it would help relax him, Jason?”
“Absolutely,” his obsequious little toady responded, smirking. “And he’ll need to be relaxed too, that’s for sure.”
“Why?” I said, looking at Jason, but that only caused him to laugh.
“Why you ask?” Roger interjected. “Because you’ll definitely want to be relaxed when you submit to me later, Holden. As Jason can well attest, my penis is bigger than most and it could hurt when we copulate if you aren’t fully relaxed. But suit yourself, love. If you want to take it without being relaxed, that’s fine with me. I’m sure your screams will entertain some of our classmates.”
I couldn’t believe any of this.
“You know, Roger, you grow more delusional with every passing minute,” I replied. “What makes you think I would ever let do something like that?”
“You’ll let me do it, Holden,” he responded. “You’ll do it because you like Sean and want to see him admitted. Sadly, however, the good things in life like admission to Harvard don’t come easy, love. You have to pay a price; and the price for Sean’s entrance is your ass, assuming the Admissions Committee is stupid enough to recommend letting a slug like him in.”
“I’ve wanted that ass of yours for a long time and now I’m going to have it at last,” Roger continued; “not because you like me but because you like Sean. Isn’t that right, Holden?”
For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to say. I had never realized just how sick Roger was, how twisted; and yet sick as he was, I felt trapped. He had devised a brilliant and cunning plan to ensnare Sean and me in his web. Knowing the elaborate lengths to which he had gone, I was certain he would snitch on Sean if I refused to do what he wanted.
“I need to think about all of this,” I said, desperately trying to buy time to find some way out of his trap.
“Oh, Holden, I’m so disappointed in you,” he replied, dismissively. “Both of us know I’m holding all the cards here. Why delay the inevitable, love? Unless you don’t like Sean as much as I suspect you do, of course. If you don’t care what happens to him, feel free to leave. But I suspect you like Sean quite a bit and want to see him admitted to Harvard.”
“Even if the Admissions Committee makes a positive recommendation, however, that requires the Board’s approval; and I don’t think the Board will be very happy when they view that video I showed you and all of the rest of the evidence they’ll gather in the subsequent investigation. Of course, all of this can be avoided if the video and the rest of the evidence never find their way to the Board. “
“But, like I said, there’s a price to be paid for that and the price is my cock up your ass; and without one of those nasty condoms Jason insists on me wearing. You’ll be taking it from me bareback, love. Isn’t that exciting; knowing you’re being bred by a real stallion like me, not some stupid townie?”
“I need to think about this, Roger,” I said. “I can’t do what you’re insisting on, at least not right now.”
“You’re can so annoying at times, love,” he responded, “so annoying. And predictable, too; you’re entirely too predictable, Holden. But, sure, I figured you would ask for time and I’m willing to give you twenty-four hours to think about it.”
“I wasn’t planning to do that, but Jason made an excellent suggestion just before you arrived and now letting you have some extra time is actually what I prefer.”
”I know how agonizing today must have been for you worrying about poor Sean and I’m sure you’ll enjoy contemplating me copulating with you even more for the next twenty-four hours. That’ll also give Jason time to buy and set up a much better video camera so we can record the whole thing in exquisite detail. Who knows? I might even give that video back to you as a gift if Sean proves cooperative as well.”
“But that’s it, Holden. I know the Admissions Committee is meeting on Friday morning so you have exactly twenty-four hours. If I don’t get to sodomize you tomorrow night and copulate inside your ass without a condom, your friend’s chances of getting admitted to Harvard are history.”
“And I might add your chances of remaining at Harvard are history as well. You’re implicated in all of this, Holden, and the College will be dealing with you as well if I give up the evidence.”
“I’ll be looking forward to seeing you back here tomorrow night at 8:00 o’clock. Don’t be late. Now get the hell out of here, you little bitch.”
Even as I wandered around the Yard and then Cambridge aimlessly, I realized Roger was right. I didn’t have any choice in the matter.
If Roger tells the Board Sean is a dealer, they’ll have to conduct an investigation and everything will come out. Once it does, they’ll reject Sean’s petition even if he isn’t dealing anymore.
How could they not reject it, Holden?
The longer I thought about it, the more agitated I became. I had never been on such an emotional roller coaster in my life. Only days ago I had let Sean into my room because my life seemed totally meaningless; had told Professor Jeffords I was planning to drop out of Harvard. And then everything had changed.
We had gone to a couple of Red Sox games together. Sean had helped me understand my math course; more importantly, we had become friends, best friends, and then even more than best friends. I had talked to Professor Jeffords about Sean and he had persuaded him to apply to Harvard.
Everything had been looking fine, at least until I had stupidly told Roger that Sean would be coming to Harvard in the fall.
Why did you do something stupid like that?
But I had done it; and having done it, I needed to do everything I could to make it right for Sean.
I kept trying to think of some other way, but I couldn’t. In the end, I realized having sex with Roger was the only way; the kind of sex Sean had yet to experience with me. Roger might be a despicable human being, one I loathed, but I had no doubt someone as sick and twisted as him would follow through on his threat.
What choice did I have except to have sex with Roger?