Chapter 18

There are two ways to be fooled.  One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.  Søren Kierkegaard
There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true. Søren Kierkegaard

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Homo!: Chapter 18

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SUMMARY: What if you were homosexual but refused to admit it to anyone, especially yourself? The year is 1971 and fourteen year old Jimmy Barnes has discovered growing up in a small town can be boring in a way not even the solitary masturbation sessions he enjoys so much can relieve. When his best friend takes a job at the local newspaper, Jimmy finds himself on his own for the summer. What follows is a decade long saga with numerous twists and turns, a tale that’ll reveal the best and the worst of the nineteen-seventies and beyond.

WARNING: This story is a work of adult fiction and intended for mature audiences only. Unless otherwise noted, all of the characters in the story are fictional; any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. While some of the places described or mentioned in the story are fictional as well, others may be real. However, some liberties may have been taken with the truth to enhance the story. Please note that the story may describe, depict or otherwise include graphic portrayals of relationships between men and/or adolescent boys that are homosexual in nature. If you do not like For approve of such discussions or it is illegal for you to read such material, consider yourself warned. If you continue to read this story, you are asserting you are fully capable of understanding and legally consenting to reading a work of adult fiction.

NOTICE: This story is my property and protected by the copyright laws of the United States and other countries. It may not be reproduced in any form without my written permission. You may download a single copy to read offline and to share with others as long as you credit me as the author. However, you may not use this work for commercial purposes or to profit from it in any way. You may not use any of the characters or fictional places in the story in your own work without my explicit permission. Nor may you use, alter, transform, or build upon the story in any way. If you share this story with others, you must make clear the terms under which it is licensed to them. The best way to do that is by linking to this web page.

NOTES: Please check these notes every week. If there’s something I want to alert you to as I post each chapter, this is where I will I do so. September 30, 2016: This chapter is much longer than usual. If you need a break, I would suggest you take it at the end of the first section.

HOMO!

Part III – May thru August 1975

Chapter 18

The next thing I recall was being awakened by someone kissing my cheek. Wondering if I was dreaming, I opened my eyes and saw Bobbie standing next to the bed staring down at me.

His hands were on his hips and his legs spread provocatively as if to show off the incredibly hot black vinyl short-shorts he was wearing. They barely covered his hips and groin, and seeing them so close to my face caused me to stiffen immediately.

“What the . . . .”

“Shush,” he whispered, holding a finger to his lips.

“What are you doing here, Bobbie?” I asked, confused.

“What do you think?” he responded, grinning. “I thought you might like some company tonight. Am I right about that?”

I knew the answer immediately, but hearing him ask caused me to panic.

“Uh, well, uh . . . sure, ” I stammered, knowing what I was wearing beneath the sheets. “Um, I guess. It’s just that . . . uh . . . it’s just, uh . . . .”

“It’s just what?” he asked “If you’re not interested, I can leave.”

“No; don’t leave, Bobbie,” I said, reaching out and tugging his short-shorts to pull him closer to me. “It’s just that, uh . . . oh, Christ, this is so embarrassing.”

Throwing off the sheets and bedspread, I saw his eyes widen as he caught a glimpse of me wearing his meshed white panties. He started to giggle, then suppressed the instinct.

“Please don’t laugh at me, Bobbie,” I pleaded.

“I’m not laughing,” he responded. “You look terrific in them, Jimmy; maybe even better than me. It’s good to see you exploring your sexuality. The fact you look totally hot is an added benefit.”

“I look stupid,” I said, humiliated. “I only put them on because they’re yours. Wearing them made me feel closer to you.”

“Cool,” Bobbie said. “I’m honored.”

“Hard too,” he added, climbing into bed, rolling over on top of me, and pressing his lips against mine.

With that he started kissing me passionately.

Oh, Jesus, yes.

Do it, Bobbie! I want you so much.

Forcing his tongue into my mouth, he started stroking my thigh with his hand. That caused my body to shudder.

Oh God, do it. Do whatever you want, Bobbie.

Rape me!

For a moment I thought about Jeff, but quickly banished the thought.

I’m only human for crying out loud. Jeff isn’t here. Bobbie is.

We continued kissing passionately for a couple of moments, running our hands over each other’s body. Finally realizing this wasn’t some kind of a dream, I tried to pull away.

“You’re a terrific kisser, Bobbie,” I said, out of breath and panting, “but I don’t want to get you in trouble. Aren’t you afraid Charles will find out and be mad?”

“No,” he responded, surprising me. “That’s the last thing I’m worried about and you shouldn’t be either. Just relax and enjoy yourself.”

Leaning down, Bobbie smiled and gave me a quick peck on my lips. Then he started kissing my neck and shoulders even as his hand continued stroking my body in a sensuous way. Excited, I tried to relax. Whatever he wanted to do was fine with me.

Up to a point, Jimmy. Just remember that; up to a point.

From my neck he moved down to my nipples and began kissing them, causing me to squirm ever so slightly.

“Sensitive?” he asked.

“Kind of,” I responded.

Reversing course, Bobbie moved back to my lips and gave me several quick pecks, all the while smiling at me. He had a beautiful smile, one I had always found irresistible, but by now I wasn’t even trying to resist. I wanted him.

Leaning over, he stuck his tongue in my ear. That made me squirm at first, but soon enough I found myself enjoying what he was doing and allowed his tongue to push in deeper still.

This was something I had never experienced before and it was quickly followed by another new thing when Bobbie moved down to my armpits and began licking them as well.

I giggled momentarily and he stopped.

“Don’t stop,” I whispered. “It feels good. I’m just a little ticklish there, but I like it.”

It was true. The longer he did it, the more I got into it and soon enough my body was writhing with delight.

“Do the other one,” I whispered and Bobbie quickly complied, sending a spasm of pleasure throughout my body.

“Do both of them,” I said, greedily, and Bobbie did his best to comply, working one for a minute or two until I sighed and then moving across my chest to the other.

Jesus, this is incredible, Jimmy. He’s playing your body like some kind of violin.

Moving back to my nipples, Bobbie kissed each of them gently, sending still another wave of pleasure exploding throughout my body.

How long this went on is beyond me, but eventually Bobbie’s tongue began moving in a direction I liked; down my chest, around and into my belly button, and finally lower still. By now he was close to where I wanted him to be; the throbbing was painful, the anticipation more so.

Do it, Jimmy! Oh, Jesus, do it, I pleaded silently. I can’t wait anymore.

Suck it!

Lifting my hips, I tried to let him know what I wanted, but he already knew.

“Lift your legs,” he suggested.

Doing so, I watched as he pulled the white panties down to my ankles, then off. Using his hands to spread my legs further apart, he stuck his face between my thigh and my crotch and began licking me where they joined together.

“Oh, God,” I moaned, thrashing around uncontrollably even as one of my hands pounded the bed. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph. This is so freaking good, Bobbie; so good.”

Soon enough he was licking my balls, using his tongue to play gently with them. Then they disappeared into his mouth completely. As he sucked on them softly, I began whimpering. It was kind of embarrassing, but I couldn’t help myself.

So good, Bobbie; so freaking good . . . .

Holding the shaft firmly in place with his hand, Bobbie’s tongue swirled around it rapidly several times, eventually working its way to the top. Once there his lips and mouth began working the tip; gently at first, then more vigorously.

Oh jeez; oh jeez . . . .

It felt good; so incredibly good!

By now I had lost track of just about everything, but the next thing I knew he was going down on me; slowly, incredibly slowly, which only heightened my anticipation.

Soon enough my cock was halfway into his mouth and headed deeper still. Then it was past his mouth and into his throat just a little. I couldn’t believe it.

I had heard about deep throating from Eric, but never experienced it. Wanting to, I grabbed his head with my hands, pulled it down as far as I could, and pushed my cock in as deep as possible.

Yes! Oh Jesus, yes!

“Unbelievable,” I screamed, as Bobbie backed off and gagged momentarily.

“Are you having fun, naughty boy?” he asked, smiling at me.

“Oh, Jesus, yes, Bobbie. That was unbelievable; incredible, actually, and so freaking good. Thank you.”

“Fun for you maybe, but not so much for me, Jimmy. Better to let me control something like that.”

Realizing what I had done, I felt bad. But then Bobbie leaned down and kissed me, letting me know all was forgiven.

“Your turn,” he said, gently placing my hand on his black vinyl short-shorts.

I could feel something throbbing beneath them.

“And just so you know, vinyl may turn you on but it doesn’t taste very good. Feel free to take off my short-shorts before returning the favor.”

Returning the favor?

As we switched places, I wasn’t sure what to say and looked down at his face to see if he was kidding. But then I got lost in his face as I stared at it. It was beautiful, so beautiful, and it was smiling at me.

Slowly lifting his legs, he allowed me to pull off his short-shorts. I caught a breathtaking glimpse of his butt in the process. Like the rest of his body and mine, it was completely hairless and I was barely able to restrain myself as my cock began throbbing again.

But before I could press my advantage, Bobbie lowered his legs and used one of his fingers to direct my attention to his cock. It was pointing north toward my face and in obvious need of attention.

You’re not really going to do this, Jimmy, are you? Jeff doesn’t ask you to do this.

I just sat there looking at Bobbie, paralyzed.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“Um, no; not really, ” I stammered, coming back to my senses. “I was, uh . . . I was just looking at your face. You’re the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met in my life, Bobbie, and you have such an incredibly beautiful face.”

“Thanks, but I think you’ve made some of the other parts of my body jealous,” he said. “You need to apologize to them, don’t you think?” he added, winking at me.

Oh, shit; what’s the big deal? It doesn’t change anything, Jimmy. You’re normal. What normal boy doesn’t mess around with his best friend a little?

Leaning down, I began kissing him while his hands gripped my butt and began playing with it. That felt surprisingly good.

Figuring Bobbie would be interested in the same things as me, I tried repeating his movements. Up to a certain point that was fine and I could tell he was enjoying what I was doing from the occasional slight whimpers that pierced the quiet pervading the bedroom.

But it wasn’t long before I was approaching his groin.

Are you going to do that, Jimmy? Are you going to suck cock?

Shut the fuck up, will you? I responded. I’m just going to lick it real quick. Licking is different from sucking.

So that’s what I did. Holding the tip with one hand, I kind of bit the shaft with my teeth, gently; then tried to swirl my tongue around it like he had earlier done to me.

“The tip, Jimmy,” he moaned. “Work the tip.”

Not knowing what else I could do, I closed my eyes and went down on him. Bobbie’s body began writhing and I could feel his cock twitching as it hungrily explored my mouth. Realizing it was too late to stop, I sucked the thing for maybe ten or fifteen seconds, then tried to pull off. But Bobbie was holding my head firmly in place and I couldn’t.

“I’m not going to try to deep throat you,” Bobbie assured me, “so just relax.”

With that he started lifting and lowering his hips, forcing his cock a little deeper into my mouth each time and then pulling back. But he was doing it gently and any anxiety I had been feeling disappeared.

Soon his hips and my mouth began rocking back and forth in an all too familiar rhythm. He was fucking my face like I had fucked Jeff’s on so many occasions, and I could tell from the sounds he was making he was enjoying it as much as I had when it was me doing it to Jeff.

Suddenly I panicked, wondering whether he planned to take it to the same conclusion I had with Jeff on so many occasions.

No way, Jimmy; no way he gets to do that.

Pulling back, I tried to escape. As I did so, Bobbie released my head and allowed me to pull out completely. I remember being relieved. It was almost as if he had read my thoughts.

“My turn,” he said, smiling at me. “Roll on to your stomach. I’m going to massage your back.”

Doing as Bobbie asked, I rolled over. He began working my shoulders and back with his hands. The longer he did, the more I could feel my body relaxing. It felt good, incredibly good. Eventually he reached a spot just above my butt. Leaning down, he kissed it, then began planting kisses all over my back.

“Oh, wow,” I sighed. “That feels good, really good.”

Eventually he reached my shoulders. Leaning over, he kissed the side of my face.

“Having a good time?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I replied, smiling. “You give a terrific massage.”

“That’s not the only thing I’m good at,” he said.

“Here, try this,” he added, handing a tiny brown bottle to me.

“What is it?” I asked, looking at the bottle and wondering where it had come from.

“You don’t know?”

“No,” I said.

“Poppers,” he responded. “They’ll help you relax.

“Here,” he added, taking the bottle back from me. “I’ll show you how.”

With that he placed his left finger against his nose and stuck the small bottle just below his right nostril. Sniffing quickly, he inhaled.

“Awesome,” he said, his eyes suddenly widening, his head rolling back involuntarily. “Now you try, Jimmy. Remember; just a quick sniff, not a lot.”

I did as he said and the moment I did my heart started pounding and my brain exploded. Whatever I had inhaled was making me giddy. It was almost as if I had lost touch with reality and was in some entirely different dimension.

Not that I was complaining. Wherever I was, I was glad to be there.

“Oh, wow; incredible,” I stammered as the experience slowly began to diminish. “What the fuck is this stuff?”

“Instant happiness,” Bobbie replied, giggling. “Like I said, it’ll help you relax and intensify what I’m doing. Just don’t sniff it too often or you’ll get a headache. Understood?”

“Yeah,” I replied, tightening my grip on the bottle even as Bobbie repositioned himself over me.

Having done so, he began massaging my shoulders and kissing my back again. Familiar with all of this, I allowed myself to soak in the pleasure and relax.

At some point I realized his hands were playing with my butt again, kneading and massaging the cheeks even as his fingers began exploring the valley between them. By then it was all good, but suddenly it got even more exciting when he began kissing my cheeks as well.

Although I wasn’t sure why, every nerve in my body seemed on alert.

“Take a hit from the poppers,” Bobbie suggested, helpfully.

I did as he said and my body began writhing with pleasure.

Suddenly he spread my cheeks with his hands, pushed his tongue into the space between them, and began licking me there.

OOH . . . ooh, uh, ooh . . . .

OOH!

“Omigod! Yes! Yes! Sweet Jesus, yes . . . do it to me, Bobbie!”

Gasping now, I took another hit from the tiny brown bottle as his tongue pushed in deeper still. My body was writhing uncontrollably, my legs thrashing wildly.

Oh, Jesus, yes! This is incredible, Bobbie.

By now I had somehow lifted myself on to my knees with my head on the bed and my butt in the air in an effort to make it easier for him. As his tongue pushed forward, my butt eagerly pushed back to greet it.

This is unbelievable; totally unbelievable.

Harder, Bobbie! Deeper!

Closing my eyes, my body reveled in pleasure. It was just so intense, so incredibly intense.

“Deeper,” I moaned. “Stick it in deeper, Bobbie.”

“Like it?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I whispered. “It just feels so good, Bobbie; so good. Keep doing it, Bobbie,” I pleaded, greedy for more.

Bobbie rewarded me by continuing his labor of love for a long time after that, so long I lost track of time. When it was finally over and I was completely relaxed and content, he reached over, opened the nightstand, and retrieved a small tube, one all too familiar to me.

“Getting tongue is great, but it can leave you dried out and itchy,” he volunteered. “Would you like me to put some of this on to prevent that from happening?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I replied. “That probably makes sense.”

Bobbie began applying the stuff to my butt in a slow, methodical, way; one that seemed to become ever more sensuous the longer he did it to me. It felt different somehow then when I applied it to Jeff; good, very good actually, not just a chore.

“I love this stuff,” Bobbie volunteered, using a finger to press some of it gently inside me. “It’s a terrific moisturizer, don’t you think? Of course, it has other uses as well. But, then again, from what I‘ve heard about your relationship with Jeff, I suspect you already know that, don’t you, Jimmy?”

“Uh, yeah; I do,” I mumbled.

“So what do you think we should do now?” he asked, placing the all too familiar tube beside my face so I was staring at it. “It’s up to you, Jimmy.”

For a moment time seemed to stop as I laid there staring at the tube. Then it dawned on me he already knew the answer, just like I did.

Bobbie knew what I wanted. He had known all along, known even before I knew, and was just waiting for me to tell him.

I wondered if he knew everything else.

Did he know I had never done this before? How nervous I was? Did he realize how important being the masculine one had always been to me?

Did he know how embarrassed I would feel when he finished? How ashamed and humiliated I would probably be in the morning when I woke up?

But none of that mattered because he knew the most important thing; not just that I would do anything for him but wanted him to do it to me.

“Did you hear me, Jimmy? What do you want to do? We can do whatever you want. It’s completely up to you.”

“I want you to fuck me, Bobbie.”

Time resumed after that, but everything seemed to slow down and blur together. Finally able to admit the truth to myself, to tell Bobbie the truth, I allowed myself to surrender and enjoy the experience.

That turned out to be easy because Bobbie was perfect that evening, somehow both gentle and rough; gentle when he knew he needed to be and rough when I wanted and begged him to be.

There was no pain when he mounted me, just a sense of being fulfilled; no discomfort as he pushed his way in, just an intensifying sensation of pleasure. We experimented with a couple of positions until I found the one I liked best.

I liked it because we were facing each other and I could see him smiling at me as he held my legs in his arms and rocked back and forth inside me; even occasionally leaning forward to kiss me.

It was an awesome experience. He knew how to vary his pace and rhythm, knew how to make me whimper and beg. Toward the end, as the telltale sounds coming from Bobbie made it clear he was close, I did my best to make it good for him, just like Jeff had done so often for me.

“Come on, Bobbie,” I whispered. “Give it to me. I want to feel you cumming inside me.”

He smiled, then pushed in as deep as he could rapidly several times.

“Harder, Bobbie,” I whimpered.

He pulled back, then pressed forward again, this time much harder and to my delight.

“Oh, Jesus, yes!” he moaned. “Here I cum, Jimmy.”

I was surprised at just how powerful the explosion was as wave after wave of his semen shot inside me. I could hear myself moaning and begging for more. As the explosions slowed, I tightened the muscles in my butt as hard as I could like Jeff always did to intensify my pleasure.

“Oh, wow,” Bobbie exclaimed, acknowledging what I already knew from experience.

It felt good to him.

And then it was over and he was kissing me passionately again and I was happy; at least I was happy until a voice intruded.

That’s it, Jimmy, it whispered. You’re a homo now; a faggot! Are you happy?

But then I found myself giggling.

Yeah; I am. At least I’m happy right now. It was great and I’m not going to apologize for feeling good. Go away!

“What are you giggling at?” Bobbie asked. “Are you making fun of me?”

“No; you were awesome, Bobbie, more than awesome; incredible,” I replied, staring into his eyes. “I hope it was good for you.”

“Yeah,” he responded. “It was. It was very good; incredible actually.”

After that we cuddled for a while, then Bobbie snuggled up behind me and held me in his arms.

“Night, Jimmy,” he finally said, placing his hand on my butt and thigh and stroking them gently. “Sweet dreams.”

I wondered whether they would be or whether the voice would return. But then there was just the darkness and I was quickly asleep.

****

When I woke up the next morning Bobbie was curled up on his side facing away from me. I stared at his naked body, wondering whether I should wake him up. Then dark thoughts overwhelmed me as I recalled what had happened the previous evening.

Bobbie fucked you last night, Jimmy. How could you let him do that to you?

It was embarrassing, humiliating. What kind of a man would let another guy do something like that to him?

For a moment I thought about slipping out of bed and leaving.

Brilliant idea, doofus! Great Falls could be the moon for all you know. How would you get back to Washington from here on your own?

You need to face up to the truth, Jimmy. You let Bobbie fuck you like you’re some kind of girl. Not only that, you enjoyed it. You enjoyed it as much as Jeff, didn’t you?

Thinking about Jeff made me feel guilty.

I had known for a while I wanted to have sex with Bobbie; everyone did. But being around him rendered you helpless. You knew you didn’t have any say in the matter. It was his call completely. And yet I had always assumed it would be the same way Jeff and I had sex if it ever did happen.

Maybe it was because Bobbie was so pretty or enjoyed dressing up like a girl. Whatever the reason, I just assumed I would be the one doing it to him. But I was wrong about that and now the voice was taunting me.

I knew I was supposed to be ashamed of myself for enjoying it and maybe I was just a little. But what I knew for certain was Bobbie had made my body sing in a way I had never experienced before. He had done things I would have never thought of and they had felt so incredibly good.

How can you be ashamed of something that feels so awesome?

It was confusing.

I remember thinking I had always enjoyed having sex with Jeff because it made me feel good in a simple, raw, kind of way. I didn’t have to hide what I was feeling; pretend it was something more than what it was, some expression of commitment or love I didn’t feel.

It was lust and it was overpowering and it felt good. I couldn’t get enough of Jeff’s ass. But what had happened the previous evening was different somehow.

I had experienced moments of pleasure so incredibly intense I wanted to scream. Hell, the truth is I had even screamed a couple of times while Bobbie was doing it to me.

It was so much more intense, so much better, than anything I had ever experienced before, but now it was the morning after and I realized it wasn’t the taunting voice that bothered me so much. I had expected that and knew I would somehow survive the self-inflicted taunts.

What worried me more was whether Bobbie would think less of me for letting him do it?

Like Jeff, Bobbie had always gone out of his way to let me know how masculine I was. It was part of the attraction for me, hearing them say that.

You won’t be hearing that any more, Jimmy. You let him fuck you just like a girl.

What do you think about that, sweetie?

I wasn’t sure, but somehow it didn’t seem like the end of the world to me.

When I was younger, Tommy and I used to wrestle all the time like best friends do. He wanted to win as much as me, but I was stronger and could always pin him if that’s what I wanted to do. And I did pin him a lot. I liked winning. It made me feel good about myself.

But I never considered Tommy a loser; never looked down on him for being physically weaker because I knew he was so much stronger than me in other ways, more important ways. So a lot of the time I let Tommy pin me and win just because I liked him so much and he was so special to me.

Maybe that’s why we liked to wrestle so much; because it brought us closer together, strengthened our friendship, and made both of us feel special.

Or maybe it’s because you were already gay back then and liked touching him, Jimmy? Did you ever think about that?

Maybe I was, but that’s not the point.

The point is, I think Tommy knew I could pin him if I really wanted to. He never bragged when he won, never tried to pretend he was stronger than me to the other boys. But he liked wrestling with me and it made him happy whenever he won and I think that’s part of the reason he liked me so much.

Because I liked him enough to not have to win every time.

So what’s the point, Jimmy? What has that got to do with anything?

I don’t know. Maybe the point is that sex isn’t about winning and losing; maybe what makes it so great is that everyone can win if they care enough.

Oh, come on, Jimmy; stop being a doofus. Do you really think it wasn’t about winning and losing for Bobbie last night?

I don’t know. I hope not, but I guess we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?

And what if it was just a game, Jimmy, a contest he won and you lost?

Then that’s his problem, isn’t it, not mine?

Thinking about it that way made me feel better momentarily, but then I wondered whether I had been treating Jeff fairly all these years. Had I just been playing a game with him, one where I always needed to win and make him lose just so I would feel better about myself?

Jeff isn’t a loser. He’s a nice guy.

But you haven’t treated him very well, Jimmy, have you?

No. I haven’t.

Why not?

I dunno. I guess Bobbie was right. I guess I’ve been afraid for a long time.

Afraid of what, Jimmy?

Maybe the truth? That if people knew who I really was they wouldn’t like me because I wasn’t normal enough or masculine enough for them; that everyone would hate me just like my father did.

I didn’t want everyone to hate me; to call me names and make fun of me.

I wanted to be popular. I wanted someone to like me; maybe even to love me.

Alone now, absorbed in my thoughts, I realized for the first time Jeff really did love me and I was ashamed of myself for how I had treated him.

Looking across the bed, I was less certain how Bobbie felt about me.

****

When he finally woke up, Bobbie insisted on making breakfast for us and then served it in bed. Not sure what to say, I barely said anything.

“How did you like my cooking?” he finally asked. “Am I the hostess with the mostest or what?”

“It was good,” I replied. “But, uh, I suppose I should be getting back to Washington.”

“Why?” he asked. “Jeff’s away for the weekend. I was hoping we could spend it together.”

He probably just wants to fuck you again, Jimmy.

“What do I look like, Bobbie; your girlfriend or something? Is that what you want me to be?”

Why are you doing this, Jimmy? Why are you baiting him?

You may still be conflicted about things, but it’s not Bobbie’s fault. Accepting yourself for who you are isn’t easy. It doesn’t happen in a day. Stop taking it out on him.

“No,” he replied. “In case you haven’t noticed, Jimmy, I’m not into girls that much. But I could use a boyfriend. If you’re interested in a promotion, I mean.”

“But what about Marcel and uh, you know . . . Charles? I’ve probably gotten you in enough trouble already.”

“I told Marcel to take the weekend off after he showed you up to your room, just like I told the rest of the staff earlier in the day,” Bobbie responded. “As for Charles, I’ll explain everything before the weekend is over.”

“But for now I’m looking forward to a swim in the pool with my best friend or possibly my new boyfriend depending on what you decide. Whatever you decide, that would be you, Jimmy.”

So that’s what the two of us did. We went for a swim in the pool. And once that was over Bobbie took me for a long walk through the woods around Great Falls. Later, we spent the evening in the game room playing billiards. I won more than I lost, but I suspected that was only because Bobbie let me win.

Although I was on the alert all day for any sign he might think less of me for what I had let him do the previous evening, none was ever forthcoming. And then later that evening he asked whether he could sleep in the same bed with me again and I agreed.

We took a shower together. Back in the bedroom, Bobbie walked over to the chest and retrieved what he was looking for.

“Black or white?” he asked, tossing the white panties and black vinyl short-shorts on to the bed. “Your choice.”

“I don’t understand,” I replied.

“Black is for the testosterone-crazed man who’ll be doing the nasty while white is for the fair maiden about to be violated,” he said, grinning at me.

I remember shaking my head, then laughing.

“You are too much, Bobbie. You’re crazy.”

“I know,” he said, “but it makes sex more fun that way. So which will it be, Jimmy? It’s your choice completely.”

Still worried about my masculinity I chose the black vinyl short-shorts. Later, as the weekend progressed, I would be mad at myself for that. Not that it was a big mistake. Fucking Bobbie was totally awesome, but getting fucked by him was even better. It was incredible what he could do to my body.

We spent Sunday and Monday together again, often in the bedroom taking turns; and by the end of the weekend I was no longer even keeping count because by now I realized it wasn’t about winning or losing for Bobbie and I didn’t want it to be for me either.

One of the last things we did before the weekend was over was to go swimming together in the pool. I had asked Bobbie whether we could wear swimsuits and he had humored me in spite of being confused by my request.

When we were finished and emerged from the water, I knelt down in front of Bobbie and pulled down his suit as slowly and sensuously as I could.

“What are you doing, Jimmy?“ he asked, although it was pretty apparent he already knew what I was doing because his cock had stiffened immediately and was throbbing by the time he asked.

“If I’m going to be your boyfriend, I’m going to need to be a much better cocksucker than I was the other night,” I replied. “I figured I would get in a practice before heading back to Washington.”

So that’s what we did. I gave Bobbie a blow job and tried my hardest to make it good for him; and I think it probably was good enough because at some point he took control and ended up face fucking me until he finally came in my mouth.

And the truth is it wasn’t so bad. I mean, it caught me by surprise a little, but I liked it because I could tell how much Bobbie enjoyed doing it.

****

Monday evening Bobbie drove me back to Washington in this neat little sports car Charles had bought for him. At some point I realized he hadn’t told me anything about his relationship with Charles.

“So what’s the deal between you and Charles?” I asked. “You said you were going to explain everything before the weekend was over.”

“Oh, jeez, I forgot,” he said. “It’s kind of a long story and a little complicated. I’ll tell you more later, but for now let’s just say Charles has given permission for the two of us to have sex. Does that help?”

Knowing that was all I wanted to hear at the moment, I decided not to press the point.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I responded. “But why didn’t you tell me before, Bobbie? Why all the mystery if Charles is fine with it?”

“If I told you in advance, I thought you’d be nervous,” he responded. “Was I right about that?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “I would have been panicked.”

By the time we got to Washington my mind was elsewhere. Jeff would be home around 11:00 p.m. and I didn’t know how to deal with that.

“You seem quiet,” Bobbie commented when we reached the townhouse.

“I’m not sure what to tell Jeff,” I responded.

“That depends,” Bobbie replied.

“Depends on what?”

“It depends on what you want, Jimmy,” he said. “Do you know?”

“No,” I replied, honestly.

“Then it’s probably best not to say anything until you do.”

****

Jeff was tired when he got home and the two of us went to bed immediately without having sex. That helped although I still felt bad when he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek before falling asleep.

“Love you, Jimmy; I’m so glad to be home.”

“Uh, yeah; me too,” I responded, ambiguously.

Tuesday morning Jeff was up early as usual. Having tossed and turned all night, I was awake when he finally came into the bedroom before leaving.

“Did you have a good time while I was away?” he asked.

“It was okay,” I lied, knowing how awesome the weekend had been.

“What did you do?”

“Oh, you know, the usual stuff, Jeff. Bobbie and I went to a show at Hidden Treasures, Forbidden Pleasures Friday evening.”

“Isn’t that a drag bar?”

“It is,” I replied. “They were having a special show to raise money for runaway and homeless kids. Bobbie wanted to go.”

“That sounds like a good cause,” Jeff volunteered.

“It is,” I replied. “I made a contribution for us.”

“That’s great, Jimmy; I’m proud of you,” he said. “Remind me to reimburse you for whatever you gave.”

“You don’t have to do that, Jeff. You already do too much for me.”

“But I want to,” he insisted. “There are too many gay street kids in this city. They must have been abused a lot to run away. But things are going to get better, Jimmy, just wait and see. They’re going to get better for all of us.”

“I hope so,” I responded, biting my lip.

****

After that I stopped pressing Jeff to have sex. Bobbie and I were sneaking around whenever we could so it wasn’t like I was making a big sacrifice. Jeff and I still had sex on the weekends and I tried hard to make it good for him whenever he asked. He didn’t have a clue what was going on between me and Bobbie and that made me feel guiltier still.

May faded into June and then July while I tried to figure out what to do. As the August congressional recess approached, Jeff told me he would be spending the month back in the district with Congressman Bresnahan.

“You should think about going home for a visit, Jimmy,” he suggested. “I’m sure your parents would like to see you and I might be able to get up to North Adams in the evenings to visit as well. There’s no way I can spend a month alone in the district without seeing you; that’s for sure.”

“I’ve called my mother a couple of times,” I responded. “Not as much as I should, but she knows I’m alive. My father could care less so I don’t think visiting them would be a good idea.”

“What about Tommy, though?” he asked. “I know you’d like to see him again and I’m sure he feels the same way about you.”

“Maybe,” I replied, “but Tommy’s taken a job as a summer intern at some newspaper up in Maine. He won’t have time to get back to North Adams.”

“Okay; I understand,” Jeff said. “Just promise me you’ll think about it. You could do it on the spur of the moment just to see me if you want and I’d pay to fly you up there.”

“Thanks,” I responded. “I’ll think about it.”

****

Bobbie was delighted when I told him the news.

“Charles loves to spend two weeks at the beach in Delaware in August,” he said. “I’m going to see if he’ll let me bring you along.”

And that’s what happened. Charles did agree and it was sometime during the vacation that Bobbie dropped the news on me.

“Charles and I are going to back to New York after this trip. We’ll be there a week before heading to London for most of September. We’ve talked and Charles would very much like you to come live with us, Jimmy; permanently, I mean. More to the point, I’ll be devastated if you don’t.”

“But what about Jeff?” I asked.

“Jeff doesn’t seem to have very much time in his life for you right now,” Bobbie said.

“That’s because he’s doing important stuff,” I replied, a little annoyed. “I mean, he calls every night; at least he did until I told him we were going to the beach. It’s not like he doesn’t care about me. He does.”

“So do I, Jimmy, but it’s your choice. You can stay in Washington if you want, but you’ll have to do that without me. Or you can come live with Charles and me. You’ll like that, Jimmy. I know you will. It’ll be fun.”

I spent the remaining time at the beach thinking about it; trying to postpone the decision if I was being honest about it. But eventually time ran out and I had to decide. At the time it seemed like the right decision, but that didn’t make it any easier for me.

I mean, I felt bad for Jeff; really bad. Not bad enough to tell him in person or even over the phone. I was a coward about it and left a note at the townhouse, one Bobbie wrote mostly because I didn’t know how to put what I wanted to say to Jeff in words.

I didn’t take very much when I left; just some clothes. I didn’t even take any of the pictures of me, even the one of me and Tommy the studio had used to make a copy for Tommy the previous Christmas. I knew Jeff liked it and it didn’t seem like I would have any use for it anymore.

I knew what I was doing wasn’t fair and felt guilty about that. But somehow I convinced myself it would be better for him that way.

Jeff was smarter than me, nicer than me, more interested in politics and government than me. Unlike me, he was a decent human being, not selfish or stupid. He deserved someone special. If I left, I would be doing him a favor. He would finally be free to find someone better than me; a lot better.

But it didn’t change how I felt about him. I still had feelings for Jeff, still liked him a lot, and I felt crummy for treating him so badly.

It was only later I realized I should have felt bad for myself, not Jeff, but that’s another story entirely.

End of Part III

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10 thoughts on “Chapter 18

  1. Wow…this chapter gave me chills in so many different ways…can’t wait to see what’s next! Great story and great writing Kit!

  2. From the time before you had even started to post, you have been telling us that Jimmy is not a good person. Each week I read and thought, “Kit is being too hard on poor Jimmy.” It’s not that Jimmy left. It’s not that he was cheating on Jeff. It’s that he left without telling Jeff in person or even calling him.

    Jimmy is an asshole. (And I am a little mad at Bobby too).

    1. Harsh, Tim, very harsh, especially given Jimmy’s age and confusion. But it’s definitely interesting to see your reaction. I wonder if others feel the same way?

  3. Well I would say that I think Jimmy made a bad mistake in not having the courage to be honest with Jeff. Jeff had always been honest with Jimmy and he certainly deserved the same in return. I have a feeling that the “roosters” will come home to roost in the end. Then what will Jimmy do!

    Maybe Tommy will prove to be gay and the two of them will be together!!

    All the best

    Tom

    1. Thanks for sharing your take on things, Tom. I really appreciate it.

      Almost anything could happen at this point, I suppose, but let’s hope Jimmy doesn’t take a fancy to roosters 🙂

      I was quite intrigued with your speculation that Tommy might turn out to be gay and that he and Jimmy might somehow end up together.

      I suppose anything is possible, but only time will tell and you’ll have to read on to find out.

      I do like it, though, when readers share their speculations. It shows they’re engaged with the story and thinking about it.

      Like I’ve said before, stories are kind of like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle where more and more pieces gradually get revealed. It’s good to have ideas about what may happen next. But you have to be ready to revise your thinking as new information becomes available.

  4. I’ve got a bad feeling for Jimmy. When you reference the movie, I feel like Jimmy got in way over his head. I don’t think the way he just up and left Jeff was cool. I mean even on a friend level he deserved more than a note. I feel like Bobby lured him into something beyond his depth. Given his age, I’m not surprised he jumped at the chance to leave. Can’t wait to read this next chapter that you have posted.

    1. Thanks, m.b. I was just thinking I hadn’t heard from you in a while and wondering whether you had given up on the story. But now here you are with comments on Chapters 18 and 19 so I guess that’s a good sign.

      You’re right to be worried about Jimmy. He’s young, impressionable, and still trying to figure out who he is as a person … and he’s all of this in a large city with a newly liberated gay community. So there are definitely dangers lurking out there for someone like him.

  5. You have a great gift for writting about the sex between Jimmy and Bobbie. Like the others I think Jimmy has made a great mistake on two levels. First not facing Jeff who has been good to him. He owes that at the very least and secondly he just jumped into a complex relationship as it is not just Bobbie, but Charles comes into the situtation and I find it hard to believe that he is really happy to have his “boy” taken over by another boy.

    1. Thanks for the comments, Graham. You’re probably right on both counts. Jeff did deserve better from Jimmy. And it’s hard to believe there isn’t more to his relationship with Charles than Bobbie has told Jimmy thus far.

      Being both young and inexperienced, it’s hard not to wonder whether Jimmy has gotten in over his head. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if that’s the case; and if so, what the upshot will be.

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