Click on the link below to read Chapter 7 of Homo! in the pdf format (better formatting).
Or just read it below online in the html format.
SUMMARY: What if you were homosexual but refused to admit it to anyone, especially yourself? The year is 1971 and fourteen year old Jimmy Barnes has discovered growing up in a small town can be boring in a way not even the solitary masturbation sessions he enjoys so much can relieve. When his best friend takes a job at the local newspaper, Jimmy finds himself on his own for the summer. What follows is a decade long saga with numerous twists and turns, a tale that’ll reveal the best and the worst of the nineteen-seventies and beyond.
WARNING: This story is a work of adult fiction and intended for mature audiences only. Unless otherwise noted, all of the characters in the story are fictional; any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. While some of the places described or mentioned in the story are fictional as well, others may be real. However, some liberties may have been taken with the truth to enhance the story. Please note that the story may describe, depict or otherwise include graphic portrayals of relationships between men and/or adolescent boys that are homosexual in nature. If you do not like For approve of such discussions or it is illegal for you to read such material, consider yourself warned. If you continue to read this story, you are asserting you are fully capable of understanding and legally consenting to reading a work of adult fiction.
NOTICE: This story is my property and protected by the copyright laws of the United States and other countries. It may not be reproduced in any form without my written permission. You may download a single copy to read offline and to share with others as long as you credit me as the author. However, you may not use this work for commercial purposes or to profit from it in any way. You may not use any of the characters or fictional places in the story in your own work without my explicit permission. Nor may you use, alter, transform, or build upon the story in any way. If you share this story with others, you must make clear the terms under which it is licensed to them. The best way to do that is by linking to this web page.
NOTES: Please check these notes every week. If there’s something I want to alert you to as I post each chapter, this is where I will I do so.
Exciting as the whole thing had been, it had also left us kind of exhausted so we rolled on to our backs and just laid there next to one another for a long time. Jeff was the one who eventually broke the silence.
“How was it?” he asked.
“It was great; incredible, really,” I said. “I had fun. Was it fun for you too, Jeff?”
“It was,” he conceded, “but I’m curious to know just how much fun it was for you, Jimmy. Was it as much fun as with your girlfriends?”
Surprised he would ask a question like that, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“It was better; a lot better.”
“Why?” he asked.
“I dunno,” I said. “Partly because I didn’t have to wear one of those freaking rubbers, I suppose. That was big. And, uh . . .”
“And what?” he pressed, hearing my words drift off into silence. “You can tell me, Jimmy. Be honest; don’t be afraid to tell me the truth.”
“Uh, well, it just seemed like you were tighter than any of them and I was able to get into you deeper; at least that’s the way it seemed to me. That made it more fun.”
“Anything else?” Jeff asked.
“I guess the other thing is you seemed to enjoy it as much as me. You didn’t just lie there like some wet dish towel letting me do it to you. You let me know how much you enjoyed it, both with your moans and the way you were squirming and pushing back; trying to force me into you deeper.”
“It’s better when you know someone’s enjoying it. With the girls that wasn’t the case. It was like they were afraid to show they were having fun for some reason. I don’t know why. Sex is supposed to be about having fun, isn’t it?”
He didn’t say anything in response and that was fine. I was worn out from all the effort I had put into the thing. Not sure what to do, I reached over and pulled the little box where I kept my joints out of my shorts. Opening it, I retrieved one, lit it, and inhaled deeply. Then I handed it to Jeff.
“No,” he said. “I don’t want anymore. I’m still high from the two we smoked earlier.”
“Just take a puff or two, Jeff,” I replied. “It’ll make you feel better.”
Finally, he reached over and took the joint from me. He took a deep puff, held it within his lungs, then finally exhaled. Then he did the same thing twice more before handing the joint back to me.
I finished it while he laid there staring at me. It was hard to know what he was thinking exactly. I would have been embarrassed if I had let someone to do that to me; humiliated, really. But Jeff didn’t seem embarrassed and I was uncertain what to do next.
“Should we get dressed and go?” I finally asked, unsure what else to suggest.
I mean, we were done after all, at least as far as I was concerned.
“No,” Jeff replied. “Just stay here on the blanket with me, Jimmy. I need to be hugged.”
With that he rolled on to his side facing away from me. It was kind of embarrassing hugging a guy like that, but I did as he asked. I’m not sure how long we laid there together, me spooned up behind him and holding him in my arms. It was kind of boring actually and I thought about suggesting we leave again.
And then out of the blue Jeff began crying. He wasn’t sobbing or anything mind you, but his body was shaking and I could see the tears streaming down his face. It took me by surprise, him crying like that. I didn’t have a clue what was wrong.
“Hey, why are you crying?” I asked. “Are you worried you did something wrong? You didn’t. The whole thing was fun; at least I thought it was fun.”
The truth is I was understating how I felt about it. Not that it wasn’t fun. It was. But it was a lot more than fun for me. It was intense and powerful and more fulfilling than any sexual experience I had ever had up until then.
I hadn’t been forced to use a rubber and that was awesome because it felt a lot better and allowed me to make Jeff mine in a way I had never been able to do with any of the girls I fucked.
It’s hard to explain exactly, I guess, but knowing the stuff that made me a man was inside him and would always be part of him, if only in his memories of having let me do it to him, was incredible. Jeff was mine now, always would be, and there was something about knowing that I found intensely powerful.
It made me wonder whether that’s why he was crying; that maybe he thought he had made a mistake in letting me do it to him.
“Come on Jeff; tell me. Did I say or do something wrong? I don’t like to see you cry like this.”
I was telling the truth. There had been times when girls had gone all emotional on me after I fucked them and that always bothered me. I mean, if they hadn’t wanted me to do it to them, why had they let me?
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he sniffled. “It was me. I’m the one who did something wrong.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jeff. We just had some fun. What’s wrong with that?”
“When I got home last night, I thought about us a lot, Jimmy,” Jeff replied, ignoring my question. “I thought about what happened three years ago and I felt so bad about that because you were so young and innocent and pure. And what did I do? I took advantage of you. I corrupted you; and then I was so happy for you when Tommy told me you had a girlfriend.”
“I wanted you to be happy; to have the perfect life I knew I would never have. To find someone and fall in love and get married and have children and grow old together with someone you loved. Because I knew none of that would ever happen for me.”
“Like you’re always saying, Jimmy, we’re different. I’m a faggot. Everyone hates me. And you know what? I don’t even know what I did to be this way. It’s not something I ever wanted to be. I’ve begged God to cure me; to make me normal like everyone else. But it doesn’t change anything. It’s just the way I am.”
“I look at you, Jimmy, and I love you so much. You’re so beautiful; so nice. Even after I went back to college I never forgot about you. I thought about you all the time and I wanted the best for you. That’s why I never got in touch with you again. I wanted what was best for you, not me.”
“And then you came into headquarters last night and the minute I saw you it all came back to me. How beautiful you were. How much I loved you. I knew I shouldn’t, but I went over to New York with you. And then later, when we got back home and you took me up to that spot off the Trail, I thought you were going to ask me to mess around like we used to.”
“And I told myself I wasn’t going to do that. That it would be wrong; and then you told me that wasn’t why you brought me there. That you just wanted us to be best friends again. And that made happy, Jimmy; so happy.”
“And this morning I promised myself I wouldn’t come here today. But I couldn’t get in touch with you even though I kept calling. And then I thought I should come here and explain all of this to you. How I loved you, but realized you were different from me, better than me; and that if I really loved you I should tell you we never should see each other again.”
“But I’m just so weak whenever I’m around you, Jimmy, and now look what I’ve done. I’ve corrupted you again. I’m so sorry, Jimmy; I’m sorry for being so weak.”
And with that he started crying uncontrollably again.
Talk about heavy!
It was overwhelming to hear him say all of that. I’m not sure I understood everything he was saying, but I understood enough to feel bad. Jeff was clueless. He didn’t realize I was the one who had taken advantage of him, not the other way around.
The whole thing floored me, but I did my best to try to make him feel better.
“Look, Jeff, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. I was the one who took advantage of you. I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s been a long time since my last girlfriend and I broke up and that’s been hard; not having a regular outlet, I mean.”
“And I’ve never done something like we just did and I was curious what it would feel like; whether it would feel better or worse than with girls. You know what I mean?”
“So I was the one who did all of this and I’m sorry. I just thought it would be fun; fun for both of us even though we’re different. I’ve always thought sex was about having fun and, like I said, I thought it would be fun. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry about that.”
By that time Jeff had regained control of himself and was laying there looking at me as I tried to apologize.
“It wasn’t you, Jimmy,” he said. “It was me.”
“No; it’s my fault,” I insisted.
And then looking at me Jeff just started to laugh in a halting way; as if he knew it was the wrong thing to do, but couldn’t control himself.
“For something that was so much fun when we were doing it, it sure looks like both of us want to take the blame. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being the hysterical faggot straight people seem to believe people like me are. Maybe it’s not as bad as I think.”
“It isn’t, Jeff,” I said, trying to reassure him. “There wasn’t anything bad about it. I had fun; and not fun with just anyone. I had fun with someone I like; someone I like a lot.”
“Do you really like me, Jimmy?” he asked, staring into my eyes as intensely as anyone had ever stared into them.
“I do,” I insisted. “I really do. That’s why it bothers me so much to see you get upset like this. You’re not a faggot, Jeff. You’re a very caring and loving human being and you sure as hell deserve someone a lot nicer than me.”
“I mean, try to understand, Jeff; I’m eighteen years old and I’m horny. I like getting my rocks off. Why is that a crime? What’s wrong about that?”
“There’s nothing wrong about it, Jimmy,” Jeff replied and by now he was actually smiling at me.
I liked seeing him smile at me like that. It made me feel better.
“It’s not a crime and it’s not wrong and I know you enjoyed it and so did I,” he added. “ I just worry that maybe I’m not the right person for you to be having sex with; me being, uh, you know, different.”
“You worry about that too much, Jeff,” I replied. “Even three years ago you were always trying to make decisions for both of us. You should let me decide for myself what’s right for me. The only one you should be worried about making the right decision for is yourself. Am I wrong about that?”
“No; I guess not,” he said.
“Good,” I replied. “Because I’ve already decided what’s right for me and having fun with you is something I want to do. But you’ll have to decide what’s right for you, Jeff. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to make you cry. I want to make you feel good.”
“Then do it to me again, Jimmy,” he said, pulling me down on top of him and kissing me passionately.
Surprised, I remember wondering whether I should do it. It seemed wrong somehow after the conversation we had just had. But it had been so much fun and now here Jeff was, telling me to do it to him again. And I was hard as a rock and it was his fault for kissing me like that.
Do it, Jimmy. You know you want to. And so does he. What’s the big deal. It’s just about having fun, isn’t it?
Later that evening in bed I found myself thinking about everything that had happened that day. I wasn’t sure I had done the right thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was fun. I enjoyed fucking Jeff that second time.
I just didn’t enjoy it as much as the first time because my mind was on what had happened in between. Seeing him cry and thinking about everything he had said took a lot of the fun out of the thing. It made it more serious than I wanted it to be.
Now, as I continued thinking about everything, it was confusing. Up until now sex had been kind of a game for me; a game where you won by tricking someone else into doing what you wanted them to do.
I didn’t think there was anything wrong with the game; indeed, if you played the game good enough, everyone ended up having fun.
And what’s wrong with that, Jimmy? What’s wrong with having fun?
Isn’t that what sex is all about?
But something had happened that afternoon that made me feel bad. I thought Jeff was having fun that first time I fucked him. He was into it as far as I could tell; moaning and begging me to do it to him. Everything had seemed fine.
But then, after we were done, he had gone all emotional on me. He had cried just like the girls were always doing after I had sex with them and that bothered me; made me realize that, like the girls, maybe sex was more than just about having fun for Jeff.
He had said he loved me and I wasn’t looking for something heavy like that. I mean, for crying out loud, I was eighteen years old. I was just looking to have fun, not for people to get all emotional and lovey-dovey about what we were doing.
In the end, I had calmed Jeff down and he had asked me to do it to him again and I had. From everything I could tell, he had enjoyed it. But the whole thing had left me shaken. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to think.
I just knew I never wanted anything like that to ever happen again. I was too young to be in love with anyone, let alone a guy.
Being in love with a guy? Me? Forget about it!
That would be weird; not just weird, ridiculous.
I wasn’t a homo like Jeff after all. Everyone knew that, even Jeff. He had admitted we were different.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t like someone and enjoy having sex with them, but there was a big difference between liking someone and loving them. You could still have sex with someone you liked. But sex was about having fun, not getting all emotional and goofy about it.
Jeff needed to understand I wasn’t in love with him and never would be. That didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends and have sex. But we were different and he needed to know that.
Having straightened out everything in my mind, I fell asleep. As much as I felt bad for Jeff being a homo, I didn’t have a problem being his friend. Everyone needed friends after all. Homos probably needed them more than most people.
Jeff just needed to understand being a friend didn’t mean we were the same.
The two of us had agreed to go swimming the next day like we used to, but Jeff had suggested we go to Pontoosuc Lake in Pittsfield where we were unlikely to run into anyone from North Adams.
I was fine with that and we had a good time, but on the way home I made it clear to Jeff that what had happened the previous day could never happen again.
“Look, Jeff, I just want to say I had fun yesterday; at least it was mostly fun. I hope you did as well. But that whole crying episode left me pretty shaken. The thing is, I like sex. It’s fun. And I like having sex with you because it’s fun when we do.”
“But we’re different, Jeff, and I’m never going to be the same as you. You need to understand that. For me it’s just about sex, nothing more. I’m not in love with you and never will be.”
“What I’m trying to say is I like you, Jeff, and I like having sex with you. But that’s all it is. It’s just sex and sex is supposed to be fun. If that works for you, we can keep doing stuff together. But if you’re looking for something more, if you’re looking for me to tell you I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, I can’t do that.”
“And then the other thing is there are just some things I like doing to you I could never let you do to me because we’re different. I don’t want you thinking that’s going to change because it isn’t.”
“The point is it’s up to you, Jeff. If you enjoy having sex with me, we can keep doing it, but only if you understand what I’m telling you. I’m a friend but not your boyfriend. If that’s enough, great. If not, then maybe we shouldn’t see each other again.”
“Do you understand what I’m saying, Jeff?”
Surprisingly, Jeff did understand.
“I do,” he said. “I’m sorry for crying like that yesterday, Jimmy. It’s just that it’s hard when you don’t have anyone you can talk to about being, uh . . . you know, different. It’s really hard. I know I’m not the only homosexual in the world, but sometimes it seems that way and it’s hard.”
“But I don’t want to make this harder on you than it should be. I hear what you’re saying. If the world was a perfect place, maybe I could hope for more. But it isn’t perfect and I like being friends with you and I want us to keep being friends.”
“We can do it your way, Jimmy. That’s fine with me. I won’t ask you to do stuff I know you wouldn’t like doing. And I think you’re right. I’m willing to keep it focused on just having fun. Because being around you is fun, Jimmy, and I could use some fun in my life for a change.”
That was all I needed to hear. I felt relieved; I felt like Jeff and I had an understanding, one that would work for both of us.
More than just work, it meant the two of us could keep having fun; and so that’s what we did that Sunday. We went to our special place and we had fun again; and this time that was all there was to it.
It was just about having fun; nothing more.
September and October came and went much too quickly. As with that summer three years earlier, Jeff and I became inseparable again though we were careful not to let anyone see that. If anything, it seemed to me we were even more cautious this time around. Neither of us wanted to arouse suspicion. In my case it probably helped that Tommy had left for college by then.
With Jeff running a campaign and me working at McDonald’s, finding time to get together wasn’t always easy. It didn’t help that both of us were living at home with our parents. But there were the evenings, of course, and both of us looked forward to them. I liked being in the saddle again and Jeff seemed eager to please.
It was fun in the uncomplicated way I wanted it to be. To me that was as good as it gets.
Usually we found our way to either our secret place in the woods or the back room behind the campaign headquarters on Main Street. If the weather was bad or Jeff pressed for time, I would settle for letting him suck me off in his car.
But having discovered just how much fun it could be, I definitely preferred fucking him. It was nice to have someone steady for that again; even better not to have to deal with the freaking rubbers.
Soon enough November arrived and with it the election. It was a big year for the Democrats and Bresnahan won pretty easily. I was happy for Jeff. He had worked hard for the guy. On election night I even attended the victory celebration at the headquarters downtown.
Later we went back to a motel room Jeff had rented especially for the occasion. Knowing he would be gone soon, Jeff and I made the most of that evening. We were completely uninhibited now and that made the evening special indeed.
I couldn’t get enough of his ass and Jeff couldn’t get enough of my cock either. It was awesome; so much better than anything I had ever experienced with girls.
Within a week of the election Jeff surprised me. The two of us were at campaign headquarters late one evening closing the place down. Not much remained to be done, but we were there for another reason that evening, of course. It was getting too chilly and dark to meet at our favorite spot in the woods and finding other alternatives was difficult.
I had been kissing Jeff and tugging at his clothes that evening. Addicted to his ass by now, I was eager to fuck him. But somehow he had managed to pull away in spite of my best effort.
“We need to talk,” he said, trying to fend me off.
“How about we talk later?” I suggested, nibbling on his neck.
“No; we need to talk now,” he insisted. “I met with Professor Bresnahan earlier today in Pittsfield. He’s been pretty busy ever since winning, but he offered me that job in Washington as his chief legislative assistant just like he said he would. Do you think I should take it?”
Hearing him ask the question surprised me. He had told me months earlier that was what he wanted to do.
“Um, well, sure,” I responded; “I guess. That’s the reason you volunteered in the first place, isn’t it; the chance to make a difference? Why wouldn’t you take the job?”
“Because it means moving to Washington,” he said. “I wouldn’t be able to get back here very often to see you if I do that, Jimmy; and that’s what I wanted to talk about.”
“I’ve been thinking about things a lot since the election and was wondering whether you’d consider coming to Washington with me?” he asked. “I’m going to rent a place on Capitol Hill and I was thinking we could share it. You wouldn’t have to pay rent or anything, Jimmy. It’s going to cost me the same no matter what. You could live there for free and I would pay for the food, of course.”
“So what do you think; is that something you’d be interested in doing?”
Surprised by the offer, I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Um, well, I dunno,” I replied. “I’ve never thought about going to Washington; and, uh, it raises some things I’d need to think about.”
“Like what?” Jeff asked.
“Like what kind of job someone like me could get in Washington,” I responded. “I only have a high school degree after all. I mean, I guess there are McDonald’s in Washington too, but I’ve been thinking about finding some other job. I just don’t know what yet.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Jimmy,” he said, obviously prepared for the question. “I could help you find a job if that’s what you want to do; a better job than you have, that’s for sure. I know how much you hate working at McDonald’s.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“There are a lot of things you could do,” he answered. “Every congressman has a mail room, for example, so you could probably get a job opening and sorting the mail for someone. Every office gets a ton of it and you don’t need a college degree to do something like that.”
“Of course, you don’t even need to get a job necessarily unless you really want to,” he continued, looking away from me. “You could, uh, help take care of the place I’m renting and maybe do some of the cooking and cleaning instead. That would be fine too.”
“It’s whatever you want, Jimmy.”
I was surprised by that second option. Not having to work was tempting, but something about the way Jeff had presented the idea just didn’t seem right.
“So you want me to come to Washington and be your wife; is that it?” I asked, doing my best to make a joke of the whole thing even though I wondered if that’s what he had in mind.
I’m not going to be your wife, Jeff! No way!
“Absolutely not,” he responded, vehemently, trying to reassure me. “I was worried you might think something like that, but it’s not true. If anyone’s the wife in our relationship, it’s me; both of us know that.”
“Is that right?” I said, smirking at him and trying to back him up against the wall at the rear of the place. “Would you like to show me just what a good little wife you can be, Jeff?”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Jimmy,” he replied, slipping away. “I always do. You’ve always been able to twist me around your little finger when it comes to . . . uh, you know, that stuff. Both of us know that. I’ll do whatever you want and nothing’s going to change if you come to Washington with me. You’ll still be the one wearing the pants, Jimmy; I’ll be the one wearing the panties.”
Hearing him say that surprised me although it was kind of a turn-on as well.
He knows, Jimmy. He knows you’re different from him and he’s even willing to admit it to you because he likes being fucked by a real man.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” I responded, grinning.
“Why?” he asked. “It’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I said, rubbing his groin with my hand. “It is. But I’m still surprised; not many guys would say something like that to another guy.”
“I realize that,” he replied, “and it’s humiliating, but I said it because I know you like being in charge in the bedroom, Jimmy, and that’s what I want as well. That won’t change if you come to Washington with me. You’ll still be in charge.”
“That’s good,” I said, leaning in and kissing his neck while rubbing his butt with my hand. “So how about we get those panties of yours off right now? I’ll think about coming to Washington, but right now there’s someplace else I’m more interested in cumming.”
That caused him to blush. Seeing how anxious I was, Jeff surrendered and let me strip off his clothes. Soon enough we were down on the floor and I was doing the thing I did best in life.
My life may have sucked in lots of ways, but the sex? The sex was fantastic.