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SUMMARY: Two boys growing up together in an idyllic beachfront community share a passion for baseball. One excels at the game and plays it with reckless abandon; the other, less talented, studies the game and those who play it, hoping someday to share what he learns with others. Best friends since childhood, the two have seen how baseball can bring them closer together. Now, having just graduated from high school, it’s about to show them a crueler side of the game. Baseball is about to separate them even though neither wants that to happen. You can find a longer synopsis of the entire story here. Please note that italics are typically used to indicate what a character is thinking or saying to himself.
WARNING: This story is a work of adult fiction and intended for mature audiences only. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Unless otherwise indicated by context, all of the characters, leagues, stadiums, teams and clubs portrayed or mentioned in this story are fictional, not depictions of real people, leagues, stadiums, teams and clubs. Please note that the story may describe, depict or otherwise include graphic portrayals of relationships between men and/or adolescent boys that are homosexual in nature. If you do not like or approve of such discussions or it is illegal for you to read such material, consider yourself warned. If you continue to read this story, you are asserting that you are fully capable of understanding and legally consenting to reading a work of adult fiction.
NOTICE: This story is my property and protected by the copyright laws of the United States and other countries. It may not be reproduced in any form without my written permission. You may download a single copy to read offline and to share with others as long as you credit me as the author. However, you may not use this work for commercial purposes or to profit from it in any way. You may not use any of the characters, leagues, stadiums, teams, clubs, or other fictional locations described in the story in your own work without my explicit permission. Nor may you use, alter, transform, or build upon the story in any way. If you share this story with others, you must make clear the terms under which it is licensed to them. The best way to do that is by linking to this web page.
NOTES: Please check these notes every week. If there is something I want to alert you to as I post each chapter, this is where I will I do so. Spoiler Alert: Knowing some of you are less interested in adult content and prefer skimming chapters that feature it, please be aware this is one of those chapters.
It took two trips to carry everything into Mark’s place. When I was done, I stepped outside to make sure I hadn’t left anything out in the yard; and after reassuring myself on that point, I decided to sit down on the porch and just soak in the darkness and stars for a moment. To me they provided a beautiful ending to what had been a perfect day.
I was getting ready go back inside when I heard a rustle coming from the bushes nearby and then, a moment or two later, a voice in the shadows.
“Hey, Ethan, over here; it’s me, Zachary.”
I looked over and, sure enough, there he was, peeking out from behind a tree off to the side of the house.
“What the heck are you doing here, Zachary,” I asked, startled, “and how did you get here? Stop hiding behind that tree like you’re some kind of mugger. Come over here.”
He did as I said and sat down on the porch beside me.
“How long have you been lurking around here?” I asked.
“Maybe a couple of hours,” he replied. “I’ve been waiting for you, D.W. and Brady to get back from Rehoboth Beach.”
“How did you know the three of us were there in the first place? Did Brady tell you we were going?”
“No,” he said, “it wasn’t Brady or D.W either; like I told you before, Ethan, I know everything about you.”
By now that claim was becoming more than a little unnerving. I wasn’t sure what he knew about me, but thought it best to ignore the whole thing.
“Shouldn’t you be home by now?” I asked. “It’s getting late.”
“Nah; most of the time I go home a lot later than this. It reduces the time me and my Dad spend fighting to the minimum. Sometimes he’s even too drunk to fight if I get home late enough. Besides, I was waiting for you.”
“You were? Why?”
“I dunno,” he responded. “Because I like you and both of us are alike so much. You know, guys, shortstops, gay; whatever.”
He said it nonchalantly, so nonchalantly it took a moment for it to sink in. When it finally did, it made me wonder whether there was anything he didn’t know about me; although how he could possibly know I was gay was beyond me.
“What makes you think I’m gay, Zachary?” I asked, unnerved.
“I don’t know exactly,” he said. “I just do; and I’m right about that, too, aren’t I, Ethan?”
“Maybe you are; maybe not,” I replied, trying to keep him guessing. “But you don’t know for sure and what difference does it make in any event?”
“It makes a lot of difference,” he said. “I mean, mostly I flirt with the guys at the stadium as a way of figuring out which ones are the haters and which are okay. I never actually thought I would ever meet another ball player like me who was gay. I never thought that in my wildest imagination.”
“But I know you are. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. I understand. I know what it’s like to play on teams where everyone hates you for being gay. You don’t have to worry about me, Ethan. I won’t out you; and, like I said, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
By now he had me totally flustered. There was a part of me that wanted to tell him the truth even as another part of me warned it would be a mistake, a big one.
“Um, well, personally I don’t think it matters all that much and it won’t change my opinion knowing you’re gay, Zachary. I’ll still like you. As for me, well, believe whatever you want. Like I said, it doesn’t matter to me.”
“Sure it does,” he replied. “If it really didn’t matter, you would tell me.”
It was a fair enough point, but I continued to resist.
“And what difference would that make, if I was gay and told you?” I countered.
“It would make a lot of difference,” he said. “It would be huge knowing there was someone else in the world who liked baseball as much as I do, played the same position as me and was gay like me.”
He was just staring at me now, just talking quietly without the usual bravado he liked to show. Suddenly I understood what he was saying and why he wanted to know; and then, surprising myself, I said it.
“Okay, well, your instincts are right, Zachary. I am gay.”
“Really?” he added, and by now his eyes were as wide as saucers.
“I was kidding. I was hoping you were gay, but I didn’t really know.”
“So now you do,” I replied, surprised at how easily he had conned me into revealing the truth. “But I would appreciate it if we could keep that between the two of us.”
“Absolutely,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone, Ethan. I promise. It’s just, I mean, it’s just unbelievable. I never thought I would ever meet someone who liked playing ball and was gay, let alone another shortstop.”
“Well now you have,” I said, smiling at him.
I don’t know why, but I remember feeling good I had told him. I would probably regret it in the morning, worry about whether he could keep a secret like that, but at the moment it felt right.
It made him happy to know he wasn’t alone in the world; just as important, it made me happy to finally tell someone the truth.
I was just sitting there basking in all of that when he dropped it on me.
“Um, well, listen Ethan; I know Mark isn’t around so do you want go inside and, um, you know, well, mess around some?” he asked. “You know; have some fun? I’m kind of horny right now and I’m up for it. I, um, well, I’m sure you could use a little relief right about now too. You know what I mean?”
I remember laughing to myself when he said it. I knew exactly what he meant. The real Zachary was back; bold, brash and focused on what he was feeling, which was pretty obvious by then just staring at his groin. It was beginning to seriously tent up; and while I had no intention of having sex with him, I didn’t want to be that direct about it and leave him completely disappointed.
“Um, well, don’t you think we should become friends first?” I asked. “Before we think about messing around, I mean?”
“Um, well, I dunno,” he responded.
He would have understood a yes or a no, but I think the question surprised him.
“I mean, sure; I guess we should become friends first. That probably makes sense.”
He let that idea roll around inside his head for a moment or two and then picked up where he had left off.
“Though I thought we were pretty good friends already,” he offered; “at least I consider you my friend, my best friend actually. I don’t know how you feel about me.”
“Well, thanks,” I responded. “That’s definitely an honor being your best friend. And I consider you a friend too.”
“But just not your best friend; right?”
“I have a best friend back where I come from,” I responded. “But you’re definitely one of my very best friends here in Shoreham, Zachary.”
“Do you and that best friend of yours have sex?” he asked. “I mean, not that it’s any of my business, but you can trust me, Ethan. I wouldn’t tell him if we had sex tonight. I promise. I would never do something like that to you.”
“Um, well, no,” I replied. “I’ve never had sex with my best friend back home; and I probably never will because he’s not gay like the two of us. But even though both of us are gay, I think we have to become better friends before we could think about anything like that; you know, messing around.”
“Okay,” he said, sighing, and for a moment there was silence between us.
I was hoping that would be the end of it. But knowing Zachary as well as I did, I wasn’t surprised when he asked. He could be relentless when he wanted something.
“What about just wanking together?” he asked. “I mean, wanking isn’t like real sex. It’s just two, you know, two buds helping each other release some of the tension after, you know, a really close game.”
“We didn’t play today, Zachary,” I reminded him. “And, oddly enough, we won our last game in a blowout.”
“Oh, jeez, be like that, Ethan,” he said, falling silent.
He pouted for a few moments and then mounted still another charge.
“So how long do you think it’ll be before we’re best friends?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I responded. “It might take quite a long time.”
“Really?” he said, a look of dejection crossing his face.
“I mean, I don’t know if I can wait that long, Ethan. I feel like I’m about to explode. You know what I mean?”
“I do,” I replied. “I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when I was your age, Zachary. But guess what?”
“I never actually exploded.”
He just giggled thinking about that.
“So what do you think?” I continued. “Can I walk you back to your house? I seem to recall you saying you live around here.”
“I do,” he replied. “If you walk me back, do I have to go in right away?”
“No. I just need to know you’re there and will go inside at some point.”
“Okay, cool,” he responded. “That sounds good.”
It was about a ten minute walk and when we finally got to the neighborhood he led me over to a bench across the street from the place.
“I live over there,” he said, pointing. “But I’m going to sit here a while before I go in. Do you want to sit with me?”
“Sure,” I responded.
We sat there together for a long time, never exchanging a word. It gave me a chance to think about what had just happened.
I mean, it just seemed very hard. He was gay and out and he had paid the price for that by not having very many friends; maybe no real friends at all. I was gay, but not out and I didn’t have many friends either, at least gay friends. Truth be told, Zachary was my only gay friend in the world and I liked him. I genuinely did. But he was also a very cute boy and he was horny and just looking at him made me horny as well.
Truth be told, there was a part of me that wanted to have sex with him although I knew it was wrong. And yet, even though I wasn’t going to do that, I wanted him to know I liked him and wasn’t just blowing him off like everyone else.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about things and you’re the very first person I’ve ever told I was gay, Zachary; and what I’m thinking is that makes you a very special person for me. You’re the very first gay friend I’ve ever had; and you being a shortstop like me, well, that just makes it even more special. I want you to know that; that you’re very special to me. You’re my first gay friend, my only gay friend; and whatever else happens, I hope we’ll always be friends.”
He looked at me for a moment and it was a serious look.
“Okay, I’m going to go in now,” he said. “Thanks for staying here with me and saying that. That was huge.”
“Can I ask you something?” he added.
“Shoot,” I responded.
“I was wondering whether maybe you could come to my Little League game tomorrow night. We play at Noel Field, the one you go by every day on your way to the stadium. I mean, I know you’re busy and it’s only Little League and I won’t be upset if you can’t. But I was wondering whether you could fit it in somehow? It would be nice to have at least one fan in the stands, especially someone special like you.”
“I would like to, Zachary,” I responded. “It would be good to scout out the dude who’s going to be coming after my job in a few years. But we’re leaving on a long road trip tomorrow. I can’t. Maybe when we get back?”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” he said. “I understand. I forgot about the trip; maybe when you get back. When will you guys be back?”
“Um, let me think,” I replied. “We travel to North Carolina tomorrow for three games against the Legends. After that we head to Louisville, Kentucky, for four against the Sluggers. And the morning after we finish up there we have to leave really early so we can play a night game in Hagerstown. Then we get to climb back on the bus after that game for the drive back to Shoreham.”
“I’m not sure when we get in exactly, but it’s after midnight sometime. Aren’t we lucky? We don’t even get the next day off.”
Zachary had been counting on his fingers while I said all of this.
“Our last game is the same night you play Hagerstown so you won’t be able to make it to that one either. Crap! I guess it won’t be this year after all; maybe next, if you’re still around by then. But you probably won’t be. You’re too good.”
He stood up and started to walk toward his house, then stopped and looked back at me.
“What you said, Ethan; that was nice. Thank you. But that only buys you a pass for tonight. The next time you’re going to have to come up with something better to get out of having sex with me. You’re a really hot dude. You have an awesome body; and, as for me, I’m cute and sexy and definitely hot. You know you want to have sex with me; don’t fight what you know you want.”
Before I could say anything, he turned around and raced away toward his house.
Retracing my steps back to Mark’s place, I let myself into the house, turned off all of the lights on the first floor except one, and then climbed the stairs. I tossed the last of my stuff next to the bed and decided to take a shower. It felt good and the warmth of the water took the chill out of the evening air. I finished drying myself off and stood there examining my body in the mirror.
I remember sighing.
I had been working out for a while now and yet couldn’t see that it was making any difference at all. I was in good shape, of course; most of the guys back in Rehoboth Beach would have said I was ripped. But comparing myself to Mark, it was like night and day. Even though he was older than the rest of us, he was in the best shape of any of the guys on the team and I remember hoping my body would look as good as his one day.
Soon enough my mind drifted back to what Zachary had said about me having an awesome body.
It all depends on where you start from, I guess, and where you want to get to.
Why couldn’t he be older? I recall thinking. Will I ever meet anyone?
I mean, he was right in one way. There was a part of me that wanted to have sex with him. I needed to be honest about that. But there was another part of me who thought of him as the little brother I never had. He was like me when I was his age. He needed someone to toss him a teddy bear and I wanted to be there for him the right way.
It bothered me I wouldn’t be able to take in one of his games. I could see it meant a lot to him, but what could I do?
Picking up the copy of the Washington Post I had taken from home, I retreated to the loft above the living room. Maybe reading for thirty minutes or so before going to bed would help me fall asleep quicker.
Yeah; and maybe it’ll take your mind off of all this other stuff, too, Ethan.
It helped some and I was glad I had done it; and I had switched off the light in the loft and was about to head back to my bedroom when I heard a car pull up outside. A door opened and I realized Mark must have come back from Baltimore early after all.
I was about to shout down a greeting when I heard a second voice, a feminine one, and suddenly I realized Mark wasn’t alone.
“I’m never going to do this again, Mark,” the voice said, and I could tell immediately she was angry.
“The next time you get too drunk to drive back here you’re going to have to figure out some other way to get back on your own. But now you’re here thanks to me. Sit down on the couch, sober yourself up, and then go to bed. I’m going back to Baltimore now. You’ll have to figure out how to retrieve your car when you get back from that road trip of yours.”
“Come on, Jen,” Mark replied, his words slurring. “I’m not that drunk anymore. You don’t have to leave, babe. Why are we fighting all the time? That’s why I got drunk in the first place. But, hey, you know me, Jen; make love, not war. That’s what I want to do. If you aren’t going to stay the night, at least give me a good-bye kiss. Come on, Jen. Just give me a little kiss.”
There was silence, then a moan, and by now my curiosity was getting the better of me. I got down on my hands and knees, crept over to the railing at the end of the loft, and stared down into the living room. Looking around, I could see the two of them embracing, their lips locked together, with Mark’s hands all over her body.
I had never met his girlfriend before. I had seen the pictures of her throughout the house and she was a beautiful woman; but except for knowing their relationship was a tempestuous one, I knew nothing about Jen.
My heart was pounding now as I watched their initial efforts gradually begin to escalate. She didn’t resist when he took off her top and started kissing her boobs. She didn’t resist when he unbuttoned the top of her pants and slipped his hand inside them. At some point it became obvious he was fingering her and soon enough Jen was moaning continuously. She was getting there rapidly while I laid there watching, totally mesmerized by what I was seeing.
He started tugging at her pants, trying to pull them off even as his lips and tongue stayed engaged with her mouth. She resisted initially, uncertain whether she wanted to do it right there I suppose. But soon enough she stopped struggling and slowly Mark pulled off her pants, then her panties. She was totally naked and I remember thinking she had unusually long legs. By now I was practically hyperventilating.
Soon enough my eyes focused in on her box as Mark used his hand to stimulate her. I was totally fascinated and as hard as a rock. I knew what I was doing was wrong. Neither of them was aware I was above them in the loft, staring down while they were making love. And yet even though they had no idea I was there, I knew I was invading something that was meant to be private. Like I said, it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop looking.
Mark stood up and quickly stripped off his clothes as she lay there just staring at him. He was hard as a rock as well and my eyes quickly switched their allegiance to something they found more interesting than Jen’s vagina. He was well endowed. He walked over to the wall and turned down the light to the lowest setting.
Turning around, he walked back toward the couch and he was smiling now. My view was unimpeded so I could see everything that was happening below as if in slow motion.
Mark got down on his knees and began kissing her, licking her neck, her shoulders and tits. He quickly moved down to her box and began licking it. She spread her legs slightly and let him do it. I almost blew my load just watching him do that. Jen had been moaning softly up to that point, but now her moaning intensified and became louder as he probed inside her with his tongue.
The whole thing reminded me of what Hunter had told me about him and Mary Ellen. I had fantasized about those two doing it from time to time, but this wasn’t fantasy. This was real.
Like I said, I was totally aroused by now just watching all of it happen and soon enough I was playing with myself.
Mark pulled her off of the couch gently and laid her down on the floor. Her legs were directly facing the loft. To my surprise, he positioned himself beside her, then leaned over and started kissing her passionately. The kissing was obviously a turn on for both of them and she didn’t resist when he rolled her on to her side.
Completely aroused by now, she was begging him to do it. Using one of his hands, Mark lifted her right leg up toward the ceiling. He wasn’t aware that doing that had given me a completely unobstructed view of her box and that caused me to breathe deeply. Then, he inserted his cock into her pussy and began thrusting it back and forth gently.
The whole thing was totally overpowering and I began masturbating in rhythm with his thrusts. I tried to hold back, but eventually could no longer suppress it and my seed shot into the air and on to my chest and face.
I’m not sure how long it went on. It seemed like forever.
“Oh, Jesus,” I heard Mark finally moan.
And then, with one final hard thrust, I knew he had just come inside her.
They lay there together for a couple of minutes, then Jen whispered something into his ear and the two of them got up. She dressed quickly, gave him a final kiss and then left. Mark collapsed back on to the couch, still naked. Cleaning myself up with my shirt, I quietly made my way down the stairs from the loft to the second floor.
Stopping, I wondered whether I should head down to the first and help Mark up to his bedroom or just leave him alone on the couch for the night. It was cool in the house and I remember thinking he would be better off in bed, but decided to head off to my bedroom instead. Stripping down, I started to climb into bed, only to change my mind. It just didn’t seem right to leave him down there alone, in a drunken stupor and naked.
I pulled on a pair of shorts and walked downstairs
His eyes were closed as I approached the couch where he was resting, but he must have sensed my presence somehow.
“Is that you, Jen?” he whispered. “Did you come back for some more of my good loving?”
“Um, sorry, Mark, it’s just me; Ethan. I heard the car pull in, but I didn’t hear you come up to bed so I thought I would check to see how you are. I wasn’t expecting you back until tomorrow morning.”
He heard me, but didn’t open his eyes.
“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to be back until then either,” he replied, still slurring his words. “Did you guys have a good time at the beach?”
“We did,” I responded. “It was a lot of fun.”
“Well, I’m glad someone had some fun then. Jen and I spent the whole time arguing from the moment I got there.”
“I need a beer,” he added, trying to pull himself off the couch, then slipping and falling back.
“Could you get me one from the fridge, Ethan?”
“Are you sure, Mark?” I asked. “I mean, it’s late and we have to be up early to get to the stadium.”
The truth is, the guy seemed totally wasted and it seemed to me a beer was the last thing he needed.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he replied. “In fact, bring two; and a third for yourself.”
So that’s what I did. Against my better judgment, I retrieved the beers from the kitchen and joined him on the couch.
“I’m sorry to hear you didn’t have a good time in Baltimore,” I volunteered, taking a sip of the beer I had opened.
And I was.
I was genuinely hoping Mark would have a good time on his day off. His headaches were both legendary and of a titanic proportion and I was hoping spending some time with his girlfriend would help him relax.
“Yeah, well, that’s how it is with women, you know,” he continued. “A couple of moments of happiness interspersed among all the fighting and tears; only this trip I didn’t even get the couple of moments of happiness, at least not up there.”
“But you already know that, don’t you, Ethan?” he continued. “Do you and your girlfriend fight all the time like Jen and me?”
“Actually I don’t have a girlfriend,” I responded. “So I guess I wouldn’t know what that’s like.”
“That surprises me,” Mark replied, looking over at me.
By that time he had finished his first beer and popped open the second. I was beginning to get a little worried; about how wasted he was and what I should do and whether he would think I was drinking too slowly. I tried to drink faster to keep pace with him.
“I mean, you’re a good looking kid, Ethan,” he continued. “I would have thought you would be fighting the girls off in high school.”
“Yeah, well, I guess I did, at least early on,” I replied. “And then at some point they just stopped bothering with me. I guess that was my fault, not theirs. They were interested enough. But what with school and working and playing ball and whatever, I guess I just never had time for a girlfriend.”
It was a lie. I knew it. But it was the lie I was used to telling guys like Mark.
And then I started to giggle.
“What?” he said, startled.
“I was just thinking I’m as bad as Brady,” I replied, giggling again. “While we were up in Rehoboth, he mentioned he had never been kissed except by his Mom and Dad and I was too ashamed to admit I had never been kissed except by my Mom either. I don’t have a clue what it feels like to be kissed for real.”
“You’re kidding,” Mark said, looking over at me.
“I wish I was,” I responded, embarrassed I had volunteered that information and wondering why my head was beginning to spin a little.
I remember staring down at the floor, partly to steady myself and partly to avoid the ridicule I was certain would soon be aimed my way. And then, before I even knew what was happening, Mark leaned over and pressed his lips against mine.
It was a shock, the biggest shock of my life up until then.
On the couch, our lips locked together, I was staring into his eyes in surprise, hoping for some clue that would explain what was happening. And then I could sense Mark’s body tensing up as if he was aware for the first time what we were doing. He pulled away quickly.
“Um, well, that’s what a real kiss feels like,” he said. “But I shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake.”
He started to try to stand up.
“No way,” I said to myself. “I’ve been waiting all my life for this, Mark. There’s no way in hell you’re going to get away from me now.”
I pulled him back toward the couch. Then, pressing my body against his to gain leverage, I renewed the kiss he had initiated moments earlier. I started trying to press my tongue into his mouth and he resisted momentarily. But there was no way he was going to deny me what I was looking for and his lips finally surrendered and allowed my tongue entry.
Everything I had fantasized about for years was finally happening and it felt good, incredibly good. I laid there kissing him as passionately as I could; and when I finally sensed he had given up any idea of resisting, I placed my hand on his chest and started gently massaging it with my fingers.
Eventually one of my fingers reached a nipple and decided to linger. Mark’s eyes were closed, but I could tell from the expression on his face that he liked the way my finger was playing with it. I already knew from working out with him at the stadium that Mark was ripped. But now, up close, I could feel just how defined he was and allowed my fingers to trace the outlines of his sleek abs and sculpted pecs.
From a distance, I had never noticed the light hair that covered his upper chest. It was soft and fluffy and I found that both masculine and attractive. While my eyes greedily took everything in, my lips found their way to one of his nipples and began sucking on it, gently massaging it with my tongue. Mark leaned back and used his fingers to massage my neck as I worked first the left nipple, then the right, and finally ended by darting back and forth quickly between them.
He was relaxed now, just sprawled there trying to soak in the pleasure he was experiencing. While I continued to work his right nipple with my lips, I allowed my right hand to drift south and pressed it ever so gently against his groin.
As hard as it already was, I wanted to be certain he was aroused so I began gently rubbing his package with my hand even as I continued working his nipples with my lips.
“Oh, Jesus,” he whispered, “sweet Jesus.”
And then he just sighed ever so softly.
I had never done any of this before except in my fantasies and I wondered whether my efforts were having the effect I wanted. Not knowing what else to do, I continued rubbing his groin with my hand and soon enough Mark rewarded me with a little moan.
That was all I needed to hear. Kneeling down quickly, I dismissed any idea of trying to be subtle. Instead, I leaned over, held his hardened dick in my hand, gave it a couple of quick licks, and then gently kissed the tip. It was sticky and the taste pleased my tongue.
By now Mark was moaning a little louder and that was turning me on and I did what I had wanted to do to another guy for what seemed like forever. I went down on him, taking it into my mouth as far as I could, licking it rapidly, and using my lips and tongue to play with the tip.
Mark had stopped resisting long ago and was just lying there, letting me to do whatever I wanted. Having never done any of this before, I had no idea whether I was doing it right. But a few minutes later Mark’s moaning began to intensify and I sensed my labors were about to reap the dividend I was hoping for.
“Oh, Jesus, stop Jen,” he whispered. “You need to stop right now.”
I guess it came as a surprise he was fantasizing about her, but there was no way in hell I was going to stop. It was obvious he was close. This is what I had been waiting to do all my life and there was no way I was going to deprive myself of the reward my efforts had earned.
“Oh, Jesus,” he moaned.
Then he pushed forward quickly and exploded into my mouth.
Somehow everything seemed to happen quicker than I had imagined it would. I swallowed as fast as I could and the taste overpowered me. It didn’t shock me exactly. I had tasted my own before so I knew what to expect; and yet somehow it was different than mine and I tried lingering over its taste.
Mark was still bucking his hips, still totally into it. It only lasted a couple of moments, but I remember thinking these were the moments I had been waiting for all of my life.
When he was finished, I stood up and helped him to his feet. He looked at me for a moment and then turned away, as if embarrassed somehow.
“Oh, wow, that was, um, different,” he said softly. “Never did something like that before.”
“The next time will be even better, Mark,” I said to myself. “I promise.”
“Thanks, I guess,” he mumbled.
He was embarrassed; and since I was pretty sure it was probably his first time, I could understand. I was a little embarrassed too. But I was certain he had enjoyed it just like me. And while he was still woozy, he didn’t resist as I led him upstairs to his bedroom and helped him into his bed.
I climbed in beside him and let my head rest against that incredible chest of his.
“Did you like it?” I finally asked, curious how he would respond.
“That was, um, well, like I said, different,” he responded.
I pulled him close and nuzzled my face against his chest.
“This is the best night of my life,” I recall thinking. “This is everything I’ve ever wanted.”
I don’t know whether I was trying to reassure myself, but the next time I looked over at Mark he was just lying there breathing deeply. At some point I finally realized he had fallen asleep.
I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Here I was, finally alone in bed with a guy, something I had dreamed about all my life and he had fallen asleep on me.
Some lover you are, I said to myself; so boring you put the dude to sleep.
I tried to comfort myself with the notion he had fallen asleep happy. And perhaps he had, but I had more trouble falling asleep.
As I thought about everything that had happened that evening, I wondered whether it would just be a passing moment or the beginning of something more serious and enduring. I mean, the whole thing had come as a surprise. I remember wondering why Mark had kissed me like that in the first place. Was he really kissing me or someone else?
And what about me?
All my life I had focused my sexual fantasies on two others, sometimes the boy from the boardwalk but mostly Hunter. And then I had been banished from Paradise and everything had changed. Hunter was still there in my dreams most of the time. But now there were times when I found D.W. visiting me late at night in my bed. And if I was being totally honest about it, I had to admit I had been thinking about Brady on the drive back home earlier that evening.
My groin had twitched when Brady emerged from that dressing room wearing the swimsuit he had selected. And then, still earlier this evening, looking at Zachary had aroused me as well. He was cute; and when he smirked at me, it made me go hard.
Suddenly everything seemed incredibly complicated. Whether Hunter, D.W., Brady, or Zachary, it seemed as if anyone I ended up liking became an object of sexual fascination for me, at least at some level. And now this had happened. I had finally lost my virginity, not to any of them but to Mark.
Mark had never visited me late in the evening as I fantasized. Was it because he was older than me and somehow so much more mature; or perhaps because I knew he had a girlfriend? Was it because I considered him a role model, someone with the kind of baseball skills I wanted to hone?
And yet I had liked doing it with Mark. I had felt fulfilled, kind of; yeah, sure, there had been something kind of mechanical about the whole thing at times. But there had been flashes of something else, kind of like a movie preview, a glimpse of something I might like very much.
And it wasn’t as if I didn’t like Mark after all. I did. I liked him a lot.
He was tall and he was good looking and he was ripped. He was the best player on the team and a personal role model in his work habits. But he would have been the last person in the world I suspected of liking me. He was just so masculine and yet so withdrawn. He never seemed to show any emotion at all except that one time with Jerry; and yet I wanted to believe he had enjoyed what we did and I was pretty sure he must have.
Or could I be wrong about that? Maybe it was just the beer. Maybe Mark would be mad in the morning and then what would I do? What if he told the guys what I had done? How would they ever accept me after learning something like that? The truth is I would be finished in professional ball; have to go home to Rehoboth Beach in disgrace and explain it to Mom and Hunter somehow.
Suddenly something that had seemed so natural, so beautiful, had turned into something scary.
Mark would never do something like that, Ethan. He liked it. Everything will be fine.
If not, blame it on the beer. You told D.W. tonight you’ve never had a beer. He’ll vouch for you if need be.
“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” I could hear Brady chanting somewhere inside my head.
“You wanted to do it,” Zachary added. “You know you did. Don’t fight what you know you want.”
By now my head was spinning and I was terrified to boot. I had lots of questions but not many answers.
Finally, uncertain, I decided to get up and go back to my room. I didn’t have a clue whether Mark would be happy finding me there with him when he woke up the next morning; and not wanting to take the chance he would be something other than happy, sleeping alone like I had done all my life seemed to make the most sense.