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SUMMARY: At a time of national turmoil, the lives of four boys become connected as each struggles to accept his sexuality and to address the challenges he faces in life. To the extent the boys succeed in coming to grips with those challenges and in doing the right thing, it may be in ways that prove surprising or troubling. While some events, locations and features have been moved forward or back in time for dramatic and other purposes, the story takes place during an era when prejudice against homosexuals is rampant and the gay revolution in America is still at its beginnings. You can find a longer synopsis of the entire story at my blog here. Please note that italics are typically used to indicate what a character is thinking or saying to himself.
WARNING: This story is intended for mature audiences only since it includes scenes that depict graphic sex and violence. While I realize people read stories like this for different reasons, you may be disappointed if you’re reading my story primarily for sexual content. There is some, which is why I’ve included the warning. But if sexual content is your primary focus, you may do better on a site like Nifty.
NOTICE: This story remains the property of the author and may not be reproduced in any form without written permission. It is protected by the copyright laws of the United States. You may download a single copy to read offline and to share with others as long as you credit me as the author, but you may not use this work for commercial purposes. You may not use any of the characters, bars or other fictional locations described in the story in your own work without my explicit permission. Nor may you use, alter, transform, or build upon this story in any way.
AUTHOR NOTES: This is my first effort at writing a story. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Flames will be ignored. Any help with spelling and other errors would also be appreciated since I would like to correct those wherever possible. Feel free to leave a comment below or to contact me at kitkatkid[at]planetmail[dot]net if you would like to let me know what you think. Please note that this story is being archived on Nifty. However, individual chapters will always be published here first. Thanks for reading the story. I hope you enjoy it.
THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER: In Chapter 40, Andy thinks about whether he wants to pursue a closer friendship with Tommy. Having decided he does, he returns to the Palermo on Sunday evening and tells Tommy more about himself and his work. He begins spending more and more time with Tommy, something he is able to do because the House Democratic leadership has postponed action on the defense appropriations bill in an effort to round up the votes to defeat the McPherson amendment. As time passes, Andy becomes better friends with Tommy and discovers there are three main anchors to his life: the Café Palermo, the premier bar in Washington for young male hustlers; Head and Tails, a bar in southeast Washington where Tommy dances; and Exiles and Castaways, where Tommy likes to relax with his friends. Initially, Andy glamorizes the life Tommy is living. But that changes when he learns Teddy is in the hospital after being beaten up by a john. Even though it interferes with his work, he agrees to take Sean and Tommy to the hospital the next day to see Teddy.
Part IV – Virtues and Vices, Public and Private
I got into the office earlier than usual the next morning and pulled together all of the stuff I had planned to pass out at the meetings later that day. Then I wrote up some notes on the topics that needed to be covered. After telling Julie I was taking a couple of hours of personal leave, I called Jeff and told him I was on my way over to his office.
“Morning, Andy,” he greeted me when I got there. “What’s up?”
“I need you to chair the meetings this morning, Jeff; both of them. Do you have a couple of minutes to go over what needs to be covered?”
“Sure,” he replied. “But I’ve never known you to miss one of those meetings, Andy. Is something the matter?”
“Yeah, there is; just something personal, Jeff, no big deal.”
I filled him in on the latest developments, went over the points that needed to be covered, and told him I’d stop by later that day to see how everything had gone.
He walked me to the door and put his hand on my shoulder.
“Is there something I can do, Andy?” he asked. “You look worried.”
“No, not really,” I replied. “A friend of mine was taken to the hospital last night. I need to stop by and see how he’s doing this morning.”
“Okay,” Jeff responded. “I’ll do my best, but it won’t be the same.”
“You’ll do fine, Jeff,” I replied.
I stopped by Ray’s building at 9:30 a.m. just as we had agreed. Tommy and Sean were waiting for me. We got to the hospital with time to spare and I managed to track down where Teddy was being kept. They had moved him from intensive care to a semi-private room.
When we walked in, I was pretty stunned by what I saw. Teddy was in terrible shape. Later, when I checked with the nurse, I found out he had multiple fractures in addition to the two black eyes and broken teeth. The beating had been a brutal one.
“He’s going to be with us for a while,” she said. “We’ve asked, but he doesn’t say anything about his family. Do you know anything about them? They should know about this.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I told her and then returned to the room.
I knew there wouldn’t be any family to tell. Teddy’s only real family was already in that room with him.
Sean was sitting there on one side of the bed holding Teddy’s hand, tears streaming down his face. Tommy was next to him and he wasn’t doing all that well either.
“Is there anything we can do for you, Teddy, anything you need?” I asked, trying to keep myself upbeat.
Teddy didn’t say anything, just kind of shook his head no.
I stayed until noon and then told Tommy I needed to get back to work.
“Sean and I are going to stick around here, Andy,” he said. “We’ll go back during the afternoon visiting hours and stay through the ones in the evening. Is there any chance you could come get us at 10 p.m. when they’re over? I should have brought some money for a taxi, but I forgot.”
“No problem,” I said. “I’ll try to come back before then. Teddy is my friend too. And, look, here’s some money,” I added, handing him a couple of twenties. “Make sure you and Sean get something to eat and anything else you or Teddy need; and feel free to call me at work if necessary.”
“Look, Tommy, he’s going to be okay. He just needs some rest and time to heal. Try to make sure Sean stays upbeat. I know how he feels, but tears will only make Teddy feel worse.”
I drove back to the office and answered my messages. There were a lot of them. Then I walked over to get debriefed by Jeff. Apparently he wasn’t the only one shocked by my absence. Everyone else had been too. He filled me in on what had happened and some of the things people needed guidance on. Before I left, he asked how my friend was.
“Not very good, Jeff,” I replied; “not very good at all.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied, and I could tell by the concern in his voice that he was.
It was hard to concentrate at work initially. My mind kept drifting back and forth between Teddy and the amendment. I wasn’t doing anybody any good that way so finally I told myself I would spend the rest of the day on the amendment and then focus on Teddy after that.
I had dinner that evening at Bullfeathers. I was trying to think what I could do for Teddy and then I remembered how much he loved those teen romance magazines that girls his age were into. I had caught him reading one of them once and remember kidding him about it.
“Are you planning to switch teams, Teddy?” I had joked. “Are you going to surprise all of us by finding yourself a girlfriend and then settling down with her?”
“I would do that, Andy,” he replied, a serious look on his face. “But you know how much I disapprove of lesbianism,” he added, flashing his eyelids at me and making me laugh.
Then he explained how he liked changing the names of the girls in the stories to those of boys and how the stories mostly worked just fine for him when he did that.
I walked up the street, picked up a couple, and thumbed through them. There were some stories I thought he might like, very sweet, very romantic, but with lots of implied sex. I remember laughing, but brought them along with me to the hospital later that evening.
“Hey, how are you doing, Teddy,” I said as I walked into the room a little after 8 p.m. Sean and Tommy were just sitting there, looking forlorn. The room reminded me of a funeral home.
“I hope you’re feeling a little better, Teddy,” I continued. “Look, I know you can’t really talk, but I picked up these magazines for you. I’m going to read off the names of a couple of stories. If there’s one or more you’re interested in, I’ll read them to you.”
I ran through the titles of some of the stories quickly, then went back to each of them in turn. He nodded his head at a couple so I sat down on the other side of the bed and started reading to him. He didn’t have to tell me what to do. I changed the names of the girls to boys. I even tried to spice up the romance a little to make it more real for him.
Teddy seemed to perk up after that and reading the stories helped pass the time. It wasn’t too long before Tommy and Sean started commenting on the tales I was reading, adding their own nasty little commentaries about who was doing what to whom and such. They were good at it, so good I had to remind them a couple of times not to make Teddy laugh too much because it hurt when he did. But I could see from his eyes that Teddy was really enjoying the whole thing and that made me happy as well.
When visiting hours were finally over, I drove Tommy and Sean back to the Palermo. The three of us just sat there a long time, filling in some of the other men and boys who stopped by to inquire about Teddy.
“I can’t drive you there tomorrow,” I said to Tommy and Sean, “but I can give you some money for a taxi. I’ll stop by in the evening though.”
“I have enough money for us to take a taxi,” Tommy said. “Maybe you can find some more of those stories you read. They seemed to lift his spirits.”
“Sure,” I responded. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Did you see how bad his face is busted up?” Sean asked, his voice trembling. He was having trouble keeping things together and it was obvious how much he was in love with Teddy.
“That dude shattered two of his front teeth. He hasn’t seen himself yet, but he’ll be suicidal when he does. He had the most beautiful smile. It’s going to kill him to see what he looks like, Andy; I’m sure of it.”
“The important thing is he survived,” I replied. “Teeth can be fixed or replaced.”
“He doesn’t have that kind of money,” Sean responded. “I mean, no one on the streets does.”
“It’ll be okay, Sean,” I said, trying to calm him down. “Trust me.”
Teddy was in the hospital for three days and wasn’t in great shape when he left. The nurse had said he would be there with them for a while. But hospital management had other ideas. Like most hospitals, they were anxious to get him out of the place. By then they knew there wasn’t any insurance they could bill and there was no way Teddy could pay. They had done the minimum they could get away with and planned to discharge him the next day.
They also said he would need to rest at home for at least another week to ten days. Of course, there wasn’t a home where Teddy could go to rest, but they didn’t want to know that. They just wanted him off the premises.
Like a lot of the boys, Teddy didn’t have a regular place to stay. He would stay with someone for a couple of weeks, then with someone else or a john. Most recently he had been staying with a drag queen named Miss Cherry Vanilla and I assumed we would be taking him there. But both Sean and Tommy said that wouldn’t work. The place was apparently busier than the bus station most days so there was no way he would ever get any peace and quiet if we took him back there.
Tommy had explained the whole thing to Ray and asked whether Teddy could stay at their place. Ray had agreed; and then Tommy had asked about Sean because he knew Sean would want to be by Teddy’s side, nursing him back to health.
Ray was definitely less enthusiastic about that. His place was small and he liked his privacy. Having one boy underfoot was fine. Two boys were more taxing, but he could live with it for short periods of time. But three was definitely more than he wanted to deal with and he resisted Tommy’s best efforts to persuade him. Finally, Tommy volunteered to vacate the condo temporarily and let Sean take his place. Later, when we were over at the Palermo, I asked him about that.
“Where are you going to stay?” I inquired.
“I can get a room upstairs at Traveler’s Landing,” Tommy replied. “I’ve got enough money to do that. I’ve also got friends who’ll put me up if I ask.”
“And I’m one of them,” I replied. “You’re welcome to stay at my place while Teddy is getting better. It would be nice to have some company for a change.”
Tommy didn’t say anything about that right away. But the next day, before we picked Teddy up and drove him back to Ray’s place, he accepted my offer as long as he could bring along some things he needed to practice his dance routines and put on his web cam performance.
When we got to the hospital, we explained everything to Teddy and I could tell he was glad to have a place to stay, especially knowing Sean would be there with him. They put him in a wheelchair and rolled him down to my car, then handed me a bunch of prescriptions for the pain. I knew who would be paying for those.
When we got back to Ray’s place and Teddy finally looked in the mirror, he just started crying. It was the first time he had seen how badly his teeth had been shattered and it was devastating for him. It didn’t even help that Sean was holding him tightly, telling him over and over again that it didn’t matter and that nothing was going to change between the two of them.
I had planned to tell him later when he was better, but seeing him devastated like that made me change my mind.
“Let me talk to him for a minute, Sean,” I said; and though he did so reluctantly, Sean eventually released his grip on Teddy and I took him back to the bedroom. I sat him down and he was still crying so I put my hand under his chin and lifted it up so he was looking directly at me.
“Here,” I said, handing him a card. “This is the telephone number for my dentist. He does really good work. Give him a call when you feel up to it. I’ve already spoken to him and he is going to fix you up like brand new with some crowns for those broken teeth.”
Teddy stared at me for a moment and then started sobbing again.
“I don’t, uh, I can’t, umm, I don’t have the money for that, Andy,” he finally blurted out.
“Don’t worry about it, Teddy,” I said. “It’s taken care of. You just need to get better. Once you are, then you’ll need to get your ass in gear and get the hell over there to get the work started.”
Teddy just sat there staring at me for a moment. It hadn’t really sunk in what I was telling him. When it did, his first reaction was disbelief; but once he realized I wasn’t kidding, he slowly got control of himself and eventually stopped sobbing.
He just threw his arms around me and gave me a hug.
I had meant it to be a private conversation between the two of us, but Teddy told Sean. Then Sean told Tommy.
By that time, Tommy had packed up what he wanted to bring with him and the two of us headed downstairs.
“Why are you helping out Teddy like that?” Tommy finally asked, as we drove back to my place that evening. “You’re not his boyfriend or his sugar daddy. You and Teddy have never even had sex as far as I know.”
“No, we’ve never had sex,” I responded. “But he’s my friend, Tommy, and friends help one another out if they can.”
“Besides,” I added, glancing over at him. “I’m really kind of desperate. Knowing you were going to be staying at my place, I figured it might make you be nicer to me,” I added, smiling.
“Well you thought wrong then, girl,” Tommy responded with mock indignation. “I’m going to treat you even nastier than I usually do.”
I remember laughing, figuring he probably would.
“By the way, here,” Tommy added, handing me some money.
“What’s that for?” I asked. “I hope you don’t think I was planning on charging you rent.”
“Although now that I think about it, I probably should,” I added, grinning at him.
“You’ve been spending too much time at the Palermo,” Tommy replied, shaking his head. “That’s the forty dollars you gave me that first morning at Sibley. I appreciate the loan.”
I wasn’t sure what Tommy was trying to tell me so I just took the money and didn’t say anything.
When we got back to my place, I didn’t want to be hanging all over Tommy so I decided leave him alone. I knew he had been living with Ray for a long time and wondered just how comfortable he would be at my apartment.
“I’ve got some work to do,” I told him. “I’m really backed up what with all the time I’ve been spending at the hospital. I’ve cleared some space in the closet for your stuff. You can watch television in the bedroom or play on the computer if you want. And by the way, you don’t have to ask permission for anything you want to do here. Just do it.”
He disappeared off to the bedroom while I settled in on the couch. I flipped open my laptop and started to grind out some one minute speeches to pass out to different members supporting our amendment. I could churn out those one minutes on automatic pilot by then without even thinking about them.
I had forgotten about the whole thing so it came as a little surprise.
“Do you want to watch?” Tommy asked. “Watch my webcam, I mean? I’ve hooked everything up. I just need to put on some music. I was wondering whether you wanted to watch.”
I didn’t really want to because he had explained it to me before and it was just another reminder of the business Tommy was in. But I figured he wouldn’t have asked unless he wanted me to.
“Sure,” I responded, forcing a smile.
I followed him into the bedroom and watched while he finished arranging everything for his performance. And then, when everything was in place, he reminded me to stay put where I was, turned on the webcam, and began.
It wasn’t really very elaborate at all. It began with Tommy holding up a sign he had written in front of the camera. Before it was over, he would hold up some more. Then he put the sign aside, turned up the music and began to strip off his clothes while he danced. The striptease proceeded slowly; and when he finally stopped teasing the audience and dropped his jeans, it turned out he was wearing a pair of his hot pants from Head & Tails.
He continued dancing to the music and I watched in fascination as he played with the men who were tuned in. One moment it looked like he was going to strip those hot pants off, then he would pull them back on at the very last moment. When he did eventually take them off, he was wearing his g-string. He was rubbing it for the men who were watching, twirling around and around, thrusting his ass back at the camera, pacing the action and dragging it out.
As I stood there watching, I could feel myself becoming aroused and suddenly knew why the men were paying.
Then the g-string was off and Tommy was standing close to the webcam, making sure the camera was focused on what the men wanted to see. As quickly as it had begun, it was over. Tommy switched off the cam and started drying himself off with a towel.
“How did I do?” he asked, looking over at me.
“Well, umm, I’m no expert,” I said, “but I was getting pretty aroused over here just watching you. I’m glad you stopped when you did. Otherwise my pants would be very wet right about now,” I added, smiling at him.
Tommy just grinned at me and walked over.
“Maybe there’s still time for them to get wet,” he replied, rubbing his hand against my groin.
He just stood there, totally naked, kissing me and rubbing me until I could no longer control myself and I knew it was hopeless so I gave up trying and exploded into my pants like I had that very first evening together.
Tommy giggled when it happened. It made him happy for some reason. But eventually he let me strip off those pants and go back to my work.
He didn’t seem interested and I wasn’t going to press so we didn’t have sex that evening. But he did ask me a question as we cuddled in bed together.
“Who’s that dude?” he said, pointing to the picture of Jesse and me that I kept on the bureau in my bedroom. “I saw that picture the first night I was here, but forget to ask.”
It was a close up of the two of us together from our chests up and I liked it a lot. I was just staring into the camera, smiling, with Jesse behind me, holding me tight while his head rested on my shoulder. He was smiling as well and that’s what I liked about it the most. It reminded me of the happier times we had shared.
I should have put it away, I suppose, but I hadn’t so I tried to brush off Tommy’s question.
“It’s a friend of mine,” I said, “someone I knew a long time ago.”
“Your boyfriend?” he asked.
“We were close friends a few years back, very close friends, but not for very long,” I replied. “He was a soldier. He died for his country.”
“Oh, jeez, I’m sorry about that, Andy,” Tommy responded, softly. “I shouldn’t have asked. He was just such a good looking guy I was curious. About my age, too, it looks like. I’m sorry he died.”
“Thanks,” I responded. “I’m sorry he died too. He shouldn’t have had to die.”
Tommy had said he wanted to go into town with me in the morning and we worked out a pretty good routine after that. He would sleep late while I went out running and worked out at the gym. After I got back and had showered, I would make breakfast for the two of us while Tommy cleaned up. Then we would drive into town together, arriving later than I usually did. But it didn’t matter too much since Washington’s dog days were rapidly approaching and the whole town was pretty much dead by then.
I would drop Tommy off at Ray’s place and watch while he disappeared inside. Then it was on to work. The leadership had postponed the vote on our amendment repeatedly by then so our side was just treading water. There was always something to do, of course, but things were a lot less frenetic.
Later, after work, I would meet Tommy and the two of us would have dinner together. The second night we stayed in town late so Tommy could hang out with his friends. The following night we went straight back to my place.
I went to work on the laptop once we got there. Tommy turned on some music and began practicing his dance routines. I didn’t take much notice at first. But at some point I looked up and saw him at work. He was in his hot pants and he looked really sexy so I just sat there staring at him.
I don’t know exactly when it began, but at some point I started rubbing myself as he labored away. I couldn’t help myself. Tommy eventually looked over and saw what I was doing. He began smirking. Then he spun away from the pole and came over and just stood there dancing and grinding his hips while I stared at his groin from the couch. Finally he took my hand and led me over to the pole and incorporated me into his routine while I just stood there staring at him.
I had never paid a lot of attention when Tommy was dancing at Head & Tails. Maybe it was because I didn’t like sharing him with others; maybe I knew how much it would arouse me. But I couldn’t deny it now. His dancing was turning me on. He knew it and was using it as some kind of elaborate foreplay between us.
I didn’t resist when he placed his hands on my shoulders and guided me down to my knees. He just stood there in front of me grinding his hips, pressing his groin close to my face, pulling back, turning around and shaking his ass in my face, then repeating all of it, over and over again. And there I was down on my knees just staring at him. It was like being hypnotized.
Just when I couldn’t stand anymore, he stripped off his g-string, allowing me to worship what it had been concealing and then guiding it into my mouth as he just stood there still dancing. It was hot and erotic and both of us knew how it would end.
We did the same thing the next night as well, but the whole thing was far less erotic. I had been thinking about it most of the day and was having trouble keeping my mind focused on work. Tommy had been thinking about it as well, but for entirely different reasons, reasons he explained when we got home that evening.
“What we did last night was really hot, but it got me to thinking about my dancing,” he said. “And the thing is, well, I dance better than most of the other guys, but there really isn’t a whole lot of structure or purpose to it. If I’m going to be the best dancer at Head & Tails and get the biggest tips, I need to do better. And then it came to me that what we did last night was just what I needed.”
“I want those dudes in the audience to believe they’re having sex with me when they watch me dancing,” Tommy continued. “I want them to experience the same thing you did last night when you were down on your knees, to feel exactly the same way you felt, and to want me so bad it hurts.”
If someone else had told me that, I would have thought they were having some kind of bad fantasy. But having gone through the experience the previous evening, I knew Tommy could probably pull it off. I remember wondering why it was so important to him. It was almost like he was confusing being desired for being loved.
I wondered whether I should say something about that, but it was pretty obvious his mind was made up so I didn’t try to resist. I just sat there while he placed the large mirror from my bedroom next to the wall so he could watch his moves while he was dancing. I sat there while he put on the music they used at Head & Tails during the main show of the evening so he knew the music would be right. And when he led me over to the place he would be dancing, I knew I was about to become the final prop in his performance.
I stood there just watching while he started the tape from the beginning. At first there was nothing unusual, just Tommy dancing the way he always did. But then he looked over at me, crooked his finger and motioned for me to come over to him. When I did, he placed his arms on my shoulders and the two of us just stood there dancing for a while. I wasn’t a very good dancer so I didn’t know why he wanted me there, but I did the best I could.
Tommy was looking at me and then at the mirror the whole time, trying to visualize exactly what we were doing. And then eventually he stopped and sent me back to be part of the imaginary audience he was performing for and told me to just stay there no matter what he did.
Then he restarted the tape and his routine from the very beginning. But this time when he got to the point where he was crooking his finger and motioning for someone to come over, I knew he was looking for some invisible dude. Tommy was doing exactly what we had done before, but this time without a real person in front of him. He worked on that for a long time and eventually, when he was satisfied he had the movements down perfect from watching himself in the mirror, he started the tape again and this time motioned for me to come over.
I did as he wanted. Then, after the two of us had danced there for some time, he placed his hands on my shoulders and guided me down to my knees like he had the previous evening. Then he stood there just dancing while he faced me and let his dancing become more and more sexually provocative. He was approaching me, backing off, and finally he pulled off his g-string and pressed his cock into my mouth, placed his arms behind his head, and continued dancing like that. Only now the two of us weren’t just dancing. We were having sex as well.
He continued doing that while I stared at the mirror, turned on incredibly by the whole thing. And then he pressed his hands against my head and gave one final hard thrust. He didn’t actually ejaculate. He was just pretending. But he had me totally aroused by then and I was sorry when he told me to stop.
He had me go back to the audience and then he started practicing that portion of the routine alone. He didn’t actually take off his g-string like he had with me. He just pretended he did. The whole thing was pretending. But he did that portion of the routine for a long time, over and over again, even long after I thought he had it down perfectly.
When he was satisfied he did, Tommy started the tape from the very beginning and went through the whole routine from beginning to end while I just stood there watching. When he was done, he turned off the music.
“What do you think?” he asked. “Does it work?”
Someone would have to be freaking dead if that routine didn’t get them off on the spot, I remember thinking. And I also remember being impressed at how much time, energy and thought Tommy had put into the whole thing.
“Yeah, it works, Tommy,’ I said, quietly; “it totally works. Everything about it works.”
“Yeah, I think so too,” he responded.
“But I’ve been doing it for over two hours,” he continued, “and I am sweating like a pig and I need a shower real bad right now, babe. Want to join me?”
It was the first time the two of us had taken a shower together, but there wasn’t much romance to it that evening. It was all about getting both of us cleaned up because I was pretty sweaty by then myself.
When we were finished, the two of us climbed into bed and just laid there staring at one another in silence, totally naked.
“I’m exhausted,” Tommy finally said. “No one realizes just how hard doing that is. And my body aches too. I need a massage. How about giving me a massage, Andy,” he said, looking over at me and grinning.
He didn’t even wait for the answer. He just rolled over on to his stomach, face down, knowing what the answer would be.
So I positioned myself over Tommy and started kneading his shoulders and neck even though I didn’t know diddly squat about how to massage someone. But I could feel just how tight his body was and I thought I must be doing okay because he was groaning. Whether he was groaning because it felt good or because it hurt wasn’t clear, but he just laid there and let me do it without complaining or offering any suggestions for how I could do it better.
I worked his shoulders and upper arms for a long time, then started moving down his back. Tommy just sighed deeply so I continued moving south.
Eventually I worked my way down to his hips. When I started pressing his lower back he began groaning even louder. It was tight back there, really tight, and I think he appreciated the effort I was putting into getting that knot out of his lower back.
I was enjoying it too because it gave me a splendid view of his butt. I remember thinking it was the most beautiful butt I had ever seen in my life up until then. Because his waist was so small, his butt stood out even more prominently. It wasn’t just some ordinary bubble butt.
His butt cheeks were round like a globe and tall and incredibly smooth and they complemented his slim body perfectly. He didn’t complain when I touched them and started massaging them too. They were hard and firm, and the muscles were tight but not in exactly the same way his shoulder muscles had been tight.
As I kneeled over and massaged them, I knew what I wanted to do. But I also knew there was no way I could because it wasn’t something he would ever be into. He had already told me that.
I tried to take my mind off of it by moving my hands back up to his shoulders. Once there, I leaned over and started kissing them, gently at first and then harder.
Tommy started moaning again, but this time I could tell he was moaning because he liked it.
I started moving down his back with my lips, letting my own long hair brush against places as I vacated them. He started moaning even more and I could see the whole thing was turning him on.
I continued moving down his back and pressed my tongue against his lower back as hard as I could. He was still sore there, I could tell, but I also knew he liked what I was doing.
I couldn’t take a whole lot more by then. I was about to explode. I remember hesitating, wondering whether I should do it. And then I just pried those cheeks of his apart with my hands and pressed my tongue between them until it reached what it was searching for.
“Oh, fuck, yes,” Tommy screamed, lifting his butt to greet me.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Then his body went totally limp and collapsed on to the bed, allowing me to push in and begin licking.
“Oh my god,” Tommy moaned. “I don’t believe it. Do it, Andy. Oh, Jesus, do it. Please! Don’t stop!”
It was the first time I had ever seen him so totally vulnerable, just lying there as the pleasure tickled the nerve endings, sending signals racing up to his brain where they were processed into the image he had never experienced before but was enjoying so much right now; the image of something forbidden, the image of what I was doing to him right now and what he desperately wanted me to keep doing.
He was thrashing around uncontrollably, begging me to stick it in deeper; and then when I did, he moaned even louder and begged me to stick it in deeper still.
I’m not really sure how long it went on, but eventually I pulled away, lay down next to him and stared into his eyes.
He was looking into my eyes as well and his eyes were wilder than I had ever seen them before. He pulled me forward toward him and pushed his tongue into my mouth and kissed me harder than he had ever kissed me before.
Finally, the two of us broke apart.
“You are unbelievable, Andy,” Tommy said, softly, “totally unbelievable; just incredible.”
It made me wonder what he was thinking and whether it had been a mistake.
“I hope I didn’t do anything wrong, Tommy,” I replied. “I mean, I thought it would make you feel good, but . . . .”
“Stop, Andy,” Tommy responded, placing his hand over my mouth. “That’s another thing that’s unbelievable about you too; that you could think you did something wrong. I can’t even begin to tell you what you do to my body.”
“Where have you been all my life?” he added, and by now he was grinning.
“Um, well, I don’t know,” I replied, embarrassed but pleased it hadn’t been a mistake.
“But I guess I need to finish the job, don’t I?” I added, reaching over and rubbing his chest with my hand.
“I think maybe I’ll finish the job tonight, Andy,” he responded.
Then he rolled over on top of me and began kissing me passionately, first on my lips, then on my neck and shoulders, and then all over my body.
I was surprised. I had always been the one pleasuring Tommy and I liked doing that. But something was different now. Tommy was being more aggressive, taking charge, and now it was him trying to make me feel good and it surprised me.
I just laid back, closed my eyes momentarily and tried to relax. It didn’t take long before I was fully aroused and I reached down and began stroking myself while he continued working my nipples. I began moaning and I think he knew I was close and it shocked me when he did it. He pulled my hand away and the next thing I knew I was in his mouth and about to explode.
“You don’t have to . . . .”
But I couldn’t even get the words out. I was just too aroused and excited and couldn’t control myself and the next thing I knew I had done it.
There was pleasure and it was real, but there was pain as well, the pain of knowing I had done something wrong. Tommy was a top, a total top, and I knew I shouldn’t have done what I did.
“I’m sorry, Tommy,” I blurted out. “I didn’t mean to do that.”
“Yeah, I bet you’re sorry,” Tommy replied sternly; and then he just giggled and smiled at me.
“You’re just about the sorriest dude I’ve ever run across, Andy, but for some reason I like you anyway. Just don’t go ruining my reputation at the Palermo by telling anyone I did this to you.”
“I would never do something like that, Tommy,” I replied.
“Yeah, I know,” he responded, staring into my eyes. “I trust you, Andy.”
And then he leaned over and kissed me, but it was different this time somehow. It wasn’t the kind of passionate kiss we exchanged when the two of us were having sex; and it wasn’t the kind of kiss you gave to your mother. He was showing affection, genuine affection, the same kind of affection I had experienced with Jesse a long time ago.
Tommy fell asleep quickly after that, his arms wrapped tightly around me, but I had a harder time.
Did something just happen, I wondered; or am I reading too much into this?